wordpress – Waiting on a Word

My 200th Blog Post!

Yeah, yeah so I know I’ve had this blog since January of 2013, and in six-plus years I should probably have more than 200 posts but I have excuses, okay? The two biggest ones are asleep upstairs as I type this.

The third excuse is sitting next to me…

Kiri Dog Posing in her Patriotic wardrobe

Basically, I have 200 excuses for only having 200 blog posts over more than half a decade, but I’ll stop there. In fact, I’m not even sure that this IS my 200th post because behind-the-scenes WordPress looks all fancy these days, and I could be reading the dashboard incorrectly. But in the interest of curing writer’s block and because, hey, at least I’m showing up at the laptop tonight, I’m going to go for it.

My exciting post today is about nothing. Seinfeld did a whole series about nothing so I’m doing a post about nothing. Aren’t you glad you stopped by?

Seriously, though, I googled “200” to see if I could fashion a post of sorts and found the Wikipedia page for 200 (number).

Here are some interesting facts.

Remember Monopoly? $200 for passing Go. I wish a banker would give me $200 for every time I make it around my block, just sayin’.

Have you had bloodwork lately? According to Wikipedia, for a lower risk of heart disease your cholesterol should be under… wait for it… 200! Mine is 154 woop woop! (*drops mic and shows attitude, *pulls herself together and picks up mic, *carries on).

Any NASCAR Cup Series fans? Guess who won 200 races?

I’ll let you think for a second…

…

Answer: Richard Petty.

What’s that? You want more facts about the number 200? What about a motorcycle race in Northern Ireland called the North West 200? Or that there’s a 200 value euro note ($221 USD)?

For you math nerds, 200 appears in the “Padovan sequence,” is the “smallest base 10 unprimeable number,” and is a “Harshad number.” Have fun with that if you so wish. Simply typing that sentence gave me an eye twitch.

And now, I have to go amend the Wikipedia page to add that WOAW reached its 200th post on August 22, 2019! Kidding, I won’t do that. But thanks for hanging around with me. Here’s to 200 more!

Drafts

Me again!

Having been absent from my WordPress site for some time, now that I’m back, the entire interface seems different (Where are the Daily Prompts? Are we not doing that anymore?). Up in the corner, next to my blog name, there’s a little number “41.”

Click on it and come to figure out that 41 means the number of draft posts I have in the can. FORTY-ONE!? Thought I’d delve into that bank of possibilities to see if anything could be revived, and here’s a sample of what I found:

Screen Shot 2018-07-04 at 9.52.27 PM

Call me crazy, but those titles made me think there may be some decent stuff in there. Well, not so much. But a couple were diamonds in the rough so I thought I’d share parts of them.

Here’s a sample of “Looking for Good Female Characters? Stick With Cable!” drafted on February 19, 2014…

Yesterday, I sighed in joy as I sat in the movie theater and watched American Hustle. It took me a second to figure out why.

In my quest to watch the films nominated for Best Picture prior to the Academy Awards, I’d been missing women. So far, I’d seen Dallas Buyers Club, Nebraska, and Captain Phillips. All boys (mostly). American Hustle featured boys, but also Amy Adams and Jennifer Lawrence in major roles. Finally. Let’s hear it for the girls!

Today, I talked with a screenwriter friend struggling with a female protagonist in her latest project. We tossed around ideas to give her character depth and purpose. She really wanted to focus on the character before tackling the plot. We decided to think about our favorite female characters in movies and why we liked them.

Interestingly, we couldn’t come up with much in the movie category. We wanted to stay away from the far ends of the spectrum– the sappy love/family-obsessed girl on one side, and the female cop/superhero on the other. There had to be characters that fell somewhere in the middle. Right?

Hmm….

On the television side, though, we had some success. Here’s a sampling of characters we came up with: Gemma Morrow (Katey Sagal, Sons of Anarchy), Nancy Botwin (Mary-Louise Parker, Weeds), Olivia Pope (Kerry Washington, Scandal), and Veronica Mars (Kristen Bell in a television series-turned-movie of the same name). These roles portray smart, determined women, who still exhibit human qualities. Gemma is ruthless, but nobody can question her devotion to her family; Olivia is brilliant, but has a soft spot for the President; Nancy is fearless, but makes questionable choices when it comes to her family and personal life; and what I learned about Veronica (I didn’t watch the television series) is that she’s witty and clever, but still enjoys the company of cute boys.

These four roles signify a diverse range of characters- an aging biker chick, an uber-successful overachieving DC lawyer/PR specialist, a California neighborhood housewife weed dealer, and a high school student moonlighting as a private investigator. But what they all have in common is that they fall in the middle of that spectrum– they are neither all-consumed by love and men and family, nor invincible superheroes. The beauty of their characters is that they linger somewhere in between.

So, hmm, why didn’t I post that? I think it’s a fair assessment for the time it was drafted. I don’t know. I’m guessing I thought it was boring, although reading it now makes me want to hit up Netflix and rewatch some of those shows.

Moving on… One of my favorite drafts in the folder is titled “2016: The Year of the Draft Posts,” which is sort of the post I’m writing right now. It had some nice insights, and I’m guessing it didn’t get posted because I stopped writing mid-list. I also think it’s funny that I had 22 draft posts at that time, and now I’ve jumped into the 40’s. Here’s a snippet:

I have twenty-two draft posts.

Twenty-two? WTF?

I looked through my Drafts and found some decent posts. I couldn’t figure out why I wouldn’t have posted them. I think the answer is that I’ve changed. Maybe in a good way, maybe not.

Back when I wrote those drafts, I was still scared to share words, especially words that shared little pieces of me. I thought my posts were boring (they may be), self-centered (they definitely are), and/or not well-written (some aren’t). But in the past year or so of publishing and authoring, I’ve learned a couple of things.

1. Not everyone is going to like everything I write, and that’s okay. This blog is my corner of the internet world and it’s for me. So yes, it may get a little self-centered sometimes. It’s not professionally edited. I don’t have much advice about the craft of writing or other fancy things that people talk about. But I started this blog without a purpose–the Blogger Without a Cause. I like having the freedom to post whatever I feel like.

You may not like my posts. Those draft posts may be crap, but I shouldn’t be afraid to post them. They are all little nuggets of me.

Since I’ve written my last post, I’ve had some publishing success. My first book came out in January, my second in May, my third releases in November, and my fourth in May 2017. Guess what? They aren’t perfect and they’re out there, in the world, for people to read! Gasp! People seem to like them, but those one-star reviews are tough, especially when they actually make sense. It’s a lot easier to believe the few one-star reviews than the lovely five-star reviews, for me at least. It was rough going, but I’ve learned to celebrate the good reviews and ignore the bad (as much as I can–I’m only human).

2. I write romance. It’s not meant to be world-changing or literary genius, and that’s okay, too. Romance isn’t for everyone, but to me, it’s an awesome genre. Love makes the world go around and trust me, it’s more entertaining than Moby Dick. If you don’t like it, I get it. I really do. But I yam who I yam and I write what I like to write. Please respect romance!

3. Nobody cares about my words as much as I do, and that’s okay. I’m sure I’ve scrutinized the posts in my Drafts folder way more harshly than would any potential reader. I have to remember that I am my own worst critic. People will not hate me if I can’t control my comma usage or if I miss a typo. Nor will people love me because I wrote a post, or even a book for that matter. Writing a book is a great accomplishment, whether you become published or not. But you can’t take yourself too seriously. As wonderful as your words are, your book’s success or failure isn’t going to matter to most people in the world. Same thing with my draft posts.

4.

Re-reading this partial list, it’s still relevant today, and was a good reminder to not take myself too seriously. So thank you, Past Jess, for your insights!

If you haven’t given up on this post about nothing yet, you’ll be glad to know I saved the best for last. From my draft entitled, “Possible Celebrity Sex Dream #2,” drafted March 5, 2017. Now I have your attention again, don’t I (wink wink)?

Readers of WOAW may recall my dream scene involving The Rock and a baguette in my minivan. If not, click HERE for a recap. Sex dream? Maybe. Anyway, I had another one that I thought I’d embarrass myself and tell you about. Does this count as a celebrity sex dream? I don’t know. But welcome to this new series on WOAW… Possible Celebrity Sex Dreams.

Before I get to the dream, here’s what happened in real life leading up to the dream.

Well, as you may or may not know, I write romance novels.

A cute, young, writer woman I follow on Facebook had been posting about this guy in her work elevator and we (the social media masses) were pressuring her to ask him out. The whole scene was adorable.

I’d spent some time stalking my friend Larissa, and saw pics of her kids on horses. Mine took horseback riding also. I thought about that briefly.

I’d also been complaining to my friend Nicole about the Obamas gallivanting around on vacation when I felt like the country needed them back in the works.

My son had a big science test on weather patterns.

Also, I had a total Seinfeld moment where I woke up in the middle of the night after the dream and made a note on my phone about it. Here’s what I wrote, word for word, typos in original:

Secdeam barack elevator open marriage saga likes horses Nicole and aunt gam rain plane explosion.

Doesn’t seem very sexy does it? But here’s what happened in the dream.

I was in an elevator and I was kissing Barack Obama, who, I’ll add, was a very good kisser. I immediately thought Michelle would kick my ass so I pulled away and said something like “you’re married” and he told me that he and Michelle had an open marriage. Next thing you know we’re outside and there are horses and he tells me that Sasha likes horses. We get into a car and I’m wedged between my friend Nicole, Barack’s aunt, and Barack’s grandmother (Please note: I don’t know if he has any of these relatives). We start driving through a forest and it’s rainy and storming and a plane explodes in front of us.

That’s it.

I’m pretty sure that note that I made, translated into awake-speak, says: Sex dream Barack on elevator, open marriage, Sasha likes horses, Nicole and aunt and grandma for rain plane explosion.

That’s where I left off on that one. Now that I read it, maybe it was more like a “crush dream” than a “possible sex dream.”

Anyway, the moral of the story is: write whatever you want. You don’t have to publish everything, but the act of typing out the words that float around your brain has value in and of itself. There’s a Drafts folder for a reason, friends. May as well use the thing.

Again, thanks for reading, and have a nice night!

Well Hi There! (Alternatively titled: I’m not doing Christmas cards)

Blogtropolis! What’s up?

I feel a little like Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed on that first day she goes back to high school. Poking around WordPress, my old stomping grounds, trying to fit in again with the cool kids (you). I’ve been gone for so long. Sorry.

I’ve been writing, just not here. Somewhere along the line, blogging started to feel like tweeting has always felt to me– forced and stress-inducing. You’ll be happy to know that I’ve saved you from months of posts about nothing. I figured, if I have nothing to say then why waste everyone’s time. You’re welcome. 🙂

But now I have “something,” or at least “something-ish” to draft here.

Christmas Stuff.

Ahh, Christmas. I may start a grassroots campaign to change the entire system. The first thing to go will be that damn ELF. More on that later. I would also put a price and age limit on all gift-giving. Gifts may only be bought for unemancipated children and must be under $25.00. All gifts will be bought online. You old people afraid of Big Brother and Amazon will have to get with the program, because I’m tired of constant traffic. Here are some other rules for my proposed Christmas:

If schools are closed, parents should be off of work (unless you are an emergency worker or vital to the health and well-being of All). This is a simple concept. WHO’S GONNA WATCH THE KIDS becomes a topic of conversation that adds more stress to the month of December. Also, employers should realize that nobody really works that week in between Christmas and New Year anyway. We all sit around, talk about the presents, gossip about the family, compare weight gain while shoving stale Christmas cookies in our faces, debate new gym membership plans, and make up fake New Year’s resolutions. Why make us come into work for that?
Christmas music parameters: No Christmas music before December 15th. I mean, how many times do we have to hear George Michael’s Last Christmas song before we’re satiated? How many times, people?
Trees shall be removed and/or put away by New Year’s Day. There shall be a place of rest for (once) live trees, because it depresses me to see tree carcasses lining the alleyway behind my house, waiting for the town’s mulch day. Little strands of wrinkled tinsel clinging to bare branches. A lone forgotten ornament trying to shine through from the inner sanctum of the once glorified evergreen. Sniff. Deal with your trees, please. With respect.
Christmas card peer pressure: If you want to skip a year, you may do so guilt-free. Things get busy. The kids probably look the same as last year. If you want to send it, send it. But if not, no biggie. There’s always next year.

While we’re on Christmas cards, I’d like to let those of you who usually receive a card from me by now know that I haven’t yet created one. My husband asked me tonight if “we” were going to do a card, and I answered “probably not” (a.k.a., No).

But, I have an ambitious idea. Instead of printing out 50 cards from Walgreens, 40 of which will probably be trashed (it’s okay- I’m not judging), I thought I’d take my time and actually WRITE out PERSONAL cards to everyone. That’s nice, right? Obviously, this isn’t going to happen this week, but maybe in the New Year I can start handwriting belated holiday notes. I may even toss a pic of the kids in. Heck, if I wait until next week, I can buy cards at half-price! Win-win-win.

I’d also like to update you on Eugene Peppermint, our Elf. Who I hate.

Creepy Eugene Peppermint- Ugh. — Creepy Eugene Peppermint molesting Santa- Ugh.

I’ve been completely slacking on moving Eugene. I blame my mom. Last year she texted me every night with a standard one word message: “ELF.” This year, she was a bit slow to the game. So it’s her fault. Obviously.

What do I tell the kids though? That Grandma is neglectful of their Christmas Joy? Nah. I couldn’t do that. So the first few times I forgot to move him, I used the “Dad locked the door” excuse. That got old pretty quickly.

After a few more missed trips to the North Pole, poor JC got sad. “Why isn’t Eugene moving?” he asked. He wrote Eugene a note inquiring on his status.

Eugene wrote back (in Elf Handwriting Font, which basically is pointy letters instead of curvy letters) that Santa is making all elves work overtime and he’s been really tired. He’s vitamin deficient. Overworked, underpaid (are elves unionized?). He’ll try to be better. JC was good with that explanation.

Then, a kid at school told JC that elves don’t move- the parents move them. Yay! I’m off the hook, right? Not really.

Husband and I came up with some story about how the parents move the elf, but they can only do it with Christmas Magic. I thought he bought it. He claimed to be depressed, so woo-hoo, yes?

Nah. Next day he came downstairs and asked where Eugene was. He was in the same spot as the day before. JC was disappointed. I wanted to shout, “I THOUGHT WE WERE DONE WITH EUGENE?” but refrained. Even though Eugene is Difficult, at least JC believes in something magical.

I should add that as a rule to my Christmas Improvements Project: everyone must believe in something magical. Can’t hurt, right?

On that note, I hope you are all enjoying your holiday season. Thanks for reading and have a nice night.

Signed, The Grinch of WordPress.

If you write it . . .

One of my all-time favorite movies is Field of Dreams (1989; Academy Awards Best Picture Nominee 1990). Baseball, Iowa, James Earl Jones, Shoeless Joe, dreams, hopes, tears . . . sigh. I first watched Field of Dreams in a lecture hall my freshman year of college on dollar movie night. I remember hiding my face as I left the “theater,” embarrassed and red and puffy and emotionally drained. To this day, twenty-three years later, I can’t watch the movie and not cry at the ending. It’s physically impossible. In fact, Joe and I take a bus trip down to Baltimore every September to see the Yankees play the Orioles, and the man who runs the bus trip always plays a baseball DVD for the two-hour or so ride down. My husband, Joe, cringes when Bus Trip Man pops in Field of Dreams because he knows I’ll be a mess. Joe sees the opening and rolls his eyes and plugs himself into his iPod. He can’t understand how I can cry at the ending of a movie I’ve seen a billion times.

[Just as an aside, I deleted from this space an entire paragraph on Titanic because it really has nothing to do with my point of this post, which I do plan on getting to shortly. I can’t talk about sap or movies (two of my favorite things) without landing on Titanic. But I’ll save that for another post and try to get to my point. My blogging chops are out of practice, I guess. Focus, Jess. Focus!]

“If you build it, he will come.” In the movie Ray (Kevin Costner), somewhat recklessly risks his family’s farm and livelihood by listening to the voices in his head urging him to transform his corn field into a baseball field. “Ease his pain.” “Go the distance.” “People will come.” Ray’s brother-in-law, the angry voice of reason, urges him to get a grip and sell the farm or the family will be bankrupt. Ray doesn’t listen. He trusts the voices in his head. He doesn’t have to sell the farm because “people will come.”

So what would happen if Ray hadn’t listened to the voices? If he caved to the fear and planted crops instead of a baseball diamond, or sold the farm? Not only would it make for a crap-ass movie, but in the fantasy world of Field of Dreams the people wouldn’t come and Shoeless Joe Jackson and the other “Black Sox” would be up in heaven, instead of in Iowa entertaining the masses.

What made me think of this movie, and its famous line: “If you build it, he will come.” Welllll, I was looking for writing inspiration and like a magnet my hand found Julia Cameron and The Right to Write, one of my go-to inspirational writing books. In the chapter titled “Making It,” Ms. Cameron writes of how commitment triggers positive opportunities. “First we must commit,” she says, “then the universe follows the direction pointed by our commitment.” Synchronicity. She goes on:

We commit, then the Universe commits. We are the cause, the Universe delivers the effect. We act internally and the Universe acts externally.

***

I believe that if one of us cares enough to write something, someone else will care enough to read it. We are all in this together, I believe, and our writing and reading one another is a powerful comfort to us all.

The universe is not, to my eye, a cruel and capricious place. I believe that our desire to write is a deep-seated human drive to communicate and that it is answered by an equally powerful human drive to be communicated to. In other words, for ever writer there is a reader– or many readers.

Thus, if you write it, he/she/they will come. What do you think? Do you think that for every writer there is a reader? Do you believe that the universe “follows the direction pointed by our commitment?”

I sort of do. I believe that effort and commitment are enough to guarantee success. Of course, my definition of success may be different than yours. In my mind, the fact that you are reading this blog post that I wrote is “success.” I put it out there, you are reading it, and something that I’m saying hopefully matters to you. I love the idea that for every writer, there’s a reader.

Ray knew his plan to ditch the corn field for a baseball diamond was nuts. He knew it was impractical and didn’t make sense, but he followed his instincts and his dream and with the support of his wife, he did it anyway . . . oh my god, my eyes are tearing. . . I better wrap this up . . . Ray committed and the Universe provided . . . and then his dad . . . sniff sniff . . . I can’t . . .

While I grab a tissue, I’m curious. What do you think of JC’s words? If you believe that the Universe will provide you a reader, does the effort and time and vulnerability necessary to write become any less scary?

If you write it, they will come. Yes? No? Feel free to discuss. Or not. Just throwing it out there.

I leave you with a Field of Dreams quote, but first, in case you were wondering, Driving Miss Daisy won the Best Picture Academy Award the year FOD was nominated. Also, according to Wikipedia, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon were spectators at the Red Sox game in the film. How did I miss that? I guess I’ll have to watch again! (Joe will be thrilled, haha). Onto the quote:

Terence Mann (James Earl Jones): Ray, people will come Ray. They’ll come to Iowa for reasons they can’t even fathom. They’ll turn up your driveway not knowing for sure why they’re doing it. They’ll arrive at your door as innocent as children, longing for the past. Of course, we won’t mind if you look around, you’ll say. It’s only $20 per person. They’ll pass over the money without even thinking about it: for it is money they have and peace they lack. And they’ll walk out to the bleachers; sit in shirtsleeves on a perfect afternoon. They’ll find they have reserved seats somewhere along one of the baselines, where they sat when they were children and cheered their heroes. And they’ll watch the game and it’ll be as if they dipped themselves in magic waters. The memories will be so thick they’ll have to brush them away from their faces. People will come Ray. The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it’s a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again. Oh… people will come Ray. People will most definitely come.

(Quote: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097351/quotes)

100th Post!

After starting this blog with a sprint from the starting line on January 3, 2013, I now crawl over the 100 post milestone, almost six months later.

So what have I learned from blogging?

Well, I’ve read that most blogs die around six months. I’ve definitely slowed down, but I’m not dead by far. I think I’m suffering from spring fever. I’ve heard from more experienced bloggers that things on WordPress slow down over the summer, so I’m just going to accept that and not be too hard on myself.

I’ve also learned that all the fear I felt in the beginning of my journey here was for nothing. You’ve all been generous and kind. Nobody has begged me to stop posting and find another hobby! Your kindness has helped my writing on and off this blog. In fact, I think that starting this blog is probably the best thing I did for my writing. It has forced me to create and think and write and edit and read, and most importantly, to share. I mentioned in a previous post that I sent a project to an editor. I am certain that had I not gained some confidence from posting here, I wouldn’t have had the guts to do that.

At yoga tonight, my teacher explained that certain poses are for “information.” They show us how far we’ve come, where we want to be, and force us to listen to our bodies. For example, if our twist isn’t as open and reaching as we’d like, we use that as information to determine whether our shoulder strength is the problem, or perhaps our lower back, or maybe we just aren’t as flexible as we’d like to be. The best part about yoga is that it doesn’t matter. We breathe and we do our best and we use information that we gain from our practice to better ourselves. We’re taught to reject the ego that compares and criticizes, and accept that we are perfect in our imperfection.

So far on my blogging adventure, I’d like to think that I’ve rejected the ego and learned along the way. I do my best and try to get better, but it doesn’t really matter if I screw up or miss a typo or bore you to death one or two nights with posts that I think are fabulous. The reality is that I enjoy posting, and I breathe through it, learn, and keep going. Like my yoga practice, to me this blog is perfect in all of its imperfection. I really love doing it and it’s important to me.

On this special 100th post night, which also falls on the Eve of Summer 2013 (and Game 7 of the NBA Finals), I would like to thank you for sticking around and taking the journey with me. I look forward to writing the next 100 posts!

P.S. I’ve started a WOAW Twitter account. I’ve been a twitter voyeur for years, but not an active tweeter. I’m going to try though. Follow me at @jessWOAW and I’ll follow you back and we’ll take over the Twitterverse (Twitter-tropolis?)!

Have a nice night!

Signs

The Daily Post Weekly Photo Challenge this week is to share a sign and explain why you chose it to share.

This “No Weapons Allowed” sign made its appearance on the door of my local AMC movie theater after the Aurora, Colorado shooting during the midnight showing of The Dark Knight Rises on July 20, 2012.

I hate this sign.

Obviously, I hate the sign because it’s there and I hate what happened in Aurora almost a year ago. I hate that the joy of going to see a new movie is instantly diminished before I even walk through the door. I hate that we live in a world where people would bring weapons to a movie theater.

Maybe you’ve been able to tell from my excitement during awards season that I love going to the movies. It wasn’t always like that. In fact, when I was a kid I experienced two very traumatic movie theater incidents.

The first incident occurred when I was at the movies with my family and a stranger sat next to my brother and tried to molest him. No joke. My dad freaked and chased the guy out. I didn’t even know what happened until I saw my dad running out of the theater. It wasn’t until years later that I was told the details. Even now the incident is a blur, like I dreamt it.

The second incident I remember more clearly. My father, brother, and I were at an old local theater watching Beverly Hills Cop (I think the sequel) and a fire broke out. My dad, being a fireman, took charge and the theater was evacuated. We got a coupon for a free movie but Dad wouldn’t let us go back to that “death trap” theater.

Needless to say, whenever I go into a movie theater I recall these events. I always look for the emergency exits and check out the people around me. Still, I’ve learned to love the movies again– going to the movies is always my first choice for date night (although somehow I married a man who hates going to the theater).

Then Aurora happened and this sign went up and now there’s a third incident, that gratefully I wasn’t directly involved in, that also dims the event.

The sign also annoys me for another reason though: it’s stupid. If people have plans to commit shootings in a movie theater, is this sign going to be the thing that stops them? As if they’ll get to the door and change their mind, thinking, “Hey, there’s a SIGN that says I CAN’T do this! I’ll just turn around and go home now!”I doubt it.

My guess is that the sign only speaks to the regular, non-violent patrons and the only purpose it serves is to make us nervous. Maybe these days though, it’s good to be nervous– you know– the whole “be alert and report suspicious activity” directive after 9/11, Boston, and various other terrorist attacks. My dilemma though is that the movies are supposed to be an escape from reality. I love getting lost in a story for a couple of hours. I don’t want to worry about whether or not the person next to me has a concealed weapon.

I certainly don’t want to see this sign every time I walk into the theater. It’s really a shame that this sign even exists.

Sorry if I bummed you out. I’m going to go catch up on reading some of your (hopefully cheerier) blog posts now and maybe work on my Love Boat post! Fun stuff ahead, Blogtropolis, fun stuff ahead.

Have a nice night. Thanks for reading.

🙂

Hola! Odds and Ends

Hello Blogtropolis! It has been over a week since my last post and I miss you! Just some quick odds and ends tonight to keep in touch.

Here’s a Top Ten of what’s on my mind:

1. Work. Work = Blah, Blech, Yuck, Yada Yada. Work really does interfere with life, doesn’t it? Enough said.

2. Writing. Angela and I are busy meeting a deadline for submitting a screenplay to a film festival (sounds fancy, I know). Edits, rewrites, etc. need to be completed by Friday. She has done a lot of work on the project and now I’m up to the plate, hoping not to strike out! I’m also super jealous that she’s enjoying Cali for a few days and I am stuck at work (see # 1, above) in Trenton. We compared our outdoor views today via text pics and I’ll let you guess who had the better view. I’m also working on a rewrite of one of my own projects.

3. I am going to be “sick” tomorrow (see #1) and spending the day at The Philadelphia Zoo with sixty third graders in 92 degree heat. I had hoped to sign the permission slip for this trip and kiss the kid goodbye on zoo day with his disposable lunch and some money for the gift shop, but he looked at me with those big brown eyes and asked me to chaperone “like the other moms,” so how could I say no? I anticipate a headache and a sunburn tomorrow night.

4. Special thanks to my friend Lauren for introducing me to Gossip Girl. By “thank you” I actually mean “thanks a lot for spearheading a crack-like addiction.” I am sucked into the drama in the middle of Season One and obsessed with Serena van der Woodsen (Blake Lively) with her beautiful hair and complicated love life, and the grungy Brooklyn art gallery dad Rufus (Matthew Settle) who is like the coolest dad ever, and the almost-too-pretty-to-look-at Chace Crawford. Being in the middle of not one, but two writing projects is not conducive to a growing Gossip Girl addiction. Damn you Netflix, for being so awesome! Lauren and Netflix did this to me once before with Friday Night Lights and I ended up watching five seasons in about three months (“Texas Forever”) and fell in love with Taylor Kitsch. Now it’s starting again. While I’m on the topic, ready fans? Tim Riggins vs. Nate Archibald. GO!

5. Father Handsome. Speaking of crushes, my mother and I have an inappropriate crush on a priest who she has deemed “Father Handsome.” Father Handsome said mass Sunday which prompted me to spend $1.99 to download The Thorn Birds by Colleen McCullough onto my Kindle. I remember watching the miniseries on television in 1983 and I think I’ve read the book before but I’m going to read it again now as an adult. Any fans?

6. Tornadoes suck. Thoughts and prayers to those in Oklahoma. I can’t believe the pictures and news I’m reading. Is there anything that can be done to prevent disasters like these? Mother Nature can’t be tamed or brought to justice. We are all at Her mercy.

7. NBA Playoffs. The Knicks are out but the Pacers-Heat matchup is turning into an interesting series (tied at 2-2). Does anyone else find sports way more enjoyable when you don’t really care who wins? It’s so stress-free. A totally different experience. It’s also quieter since my husband isn’t cursing at the television.

8. I found out that Chaturanga Man, (you remember my yoga instructor, yes?) is a pharmacist. This discovery weirded me out a bit. Does it make sense? On Sunday he wore a shirt that displayed three words. The first two words were “Karma” and “Dharma,” but the third word was hidden, bunched around his waist area. I would have died if it said “Pharma,” but it didn’t. It said “Zen.” I would look for a pic of the shirt and post it but I don’t want WordPress to have a freak out and shut me down.

9. Is anybody following this Mexico Mom Drug Bust story? This devout Mormon woman (a mom of seven) goes to Mexico for a funeral and gets on the bus to come home and the bus gets stopped by Mexican authorities who find twelve pounds of marijuana under her seat. She claims she was set up and surmises that the authorities wanted to bribe her. In fact, according to the news report the authorities told the woman and her husband that $5000 would secure her freedom, but when the husband scrapped together the money the woman was not released– they claimed she’d been transferred to another jail. I think I believe her story. Am I nuts?

10. Apologies for my WordPress absence. I haven’t posted or read my followed blogs recently but as soon as I get these projects moving, I’ll be back! Be on the lookout for my next post which I think is going to be about The Love Boat. Yep, that Love Boat.

Have a nice night!

(Pics: Taylor, http://www.ourbestbites.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/tim-riggins.jpg; Chace, http://amumag.com/images/2013/02/Chace-Crawford-photo.jpg )

Advice to Bloggers – Do a Porn Post! (Sort of)

Although I promised that today I would do the Daily Post Weekly Writing Challenge, I find myself distracted by the Daily Prompt. It reads, in relevant part:

Give your newer sisters and brothers-in-WordPress one piece of advice based on your experiences blogging.

I couldn’t resist sharing my one piece of advice. Are you ready? Here it is: Use the word “porn” in one of your post titles. One of my earlier posts, Mommy Porn, gets at least a hit a day from random internet searches. I’m not kidding!

According to my stats, Mommy Porn has generated 256 views, coming in fourth place overall for most views after my Home Page/Archives, my Freshly Pressed post, and my About page.

The most popular search term that ends up on my G-rated Mommy Porn post is, not surprisingly, “mommy porn,” with nineteen visitors to WOAW. Mix up the terminology a bit to include searches such as “mommyporn,” “mom porn,” “le mommy porn” and even “mom brazilian porn,” (to name a few) and that number doubles. My post featuring Sir Topham Hatt is probably not exactly what these internet users had in mind when they put in their search terms!

There also appears to be a global interest in the Caillou/porn combo. For example, variations of searches combining the terms “Caillou” and “porn,” such as “cartoon porn caillou mom” and “caillou cartoone porno foto,” brought me about fifteen to twenty new friends. Who knew that Caillou was connected to the world of porn? Not me! Apparently, Caillou’s not the only one having fun in that family!

Other PBS Kids-related searches landing on my Mommy Porn post were “thomas the tank engine porn,” “yo gabba gabba porno flix,” and “pbs kids arthur porn,” to name a handful. One person didn’t care which show he/she found porn for, searching the more general term “pbs kids porntoons.” “Porntoons?” Is this a thing?

The most interesting of the search terms in my opinion is “convertible porn movies list.” Huh!?! There are enough porn movies featuring convertibles to make a list? Or am I too naive to know that “convertibles” is code for some sex thing featured in porn movies? Either way, Cheers to the Convertible Porn Lover! Glad to have you around, and I hope you found your list. In the meantime, did you enjoy my discussion about The Man in the Yellow Hat’s ride through the car wash with his convertible top down? HA!

What does this mean? Well, I don’t necessarily think it means the end of civilization or the demise of humanity. My guess is that most of the cartoon porn searches aren’t nefarious in nature. I’m thinking maybe bored or crazy moms, or office jokesters. Wine-drunk Bunco club ladies, or nutty teenagers. The mommy porn? Maybe more concerning. Who knows for sure? I don’t. And I’m not here to judge.

Perhaps I can restore your faith in humanity by mentioning that there are also many legit searches that resulted in a visit to the Mommy Porn post. For example, I picture the person who searched “dj lance stereo cake,” as a sweet mom looking to make her preschooler’s birthday party special with a custom cake modeled on his favorite show. Or the curious chap who searched “dj lance rock salary,” who is probably steaming mad that he didn’t think to jump around in an orange jumpsuit and become an overnight success in the world of children’s television. Regardless, whether legitimately searched or not, 256 views seems like a successful post, if you ask me.

So, in conclusion, I have two statements:

(1) WELCOME PORN SEARCHERS! I hope you weren’t too disappointed when you ended up on my blog instead of your porn site. Thanks for sticking around!

And . . .

(2) NEW BLOGGERS! Use the word “porn” in a post title and see what happens! Maybe you’ll gain some new viewers too.

Have a nice night. I will try for the Weekly Writing Challenge tomorrow. Thanks for indulging my distraction to the Daily Prompt!

The Day WOAW Died . . .

Monday night was a typical night. After drafting a post, I hit “Publish,” and guess what happened? It wouldn’t let me. I was directed to my Dashboard where this message awaited me: “This blog has been deactivated because we believe that it does not comply with the WordPress.com Terms of Service or advertising policy. ”

My first thought was: “Huh. That’s odd.” I hit refresh. Nothing. I tried my Stats. Nada. Tried getting to the blog from the outside on my Safari. Zilch. I hit the link on the Mean Message WordPress sent that suggested that I contact them if I think they made a mistake.

Monday night when I realized that I may have lost my 77 or so posts — my entire blog — I got nervous and depressed. I knew it wasn’t the end of the world, but I still wanted to write. So I did. I wrote this:

I’m typing this on Pages on my Mac on the night that WordPress deleted my blog, hoping that after my two frantic messages sent via their panic button, they restore it.

I went to hit “Publish” on a cute post about handbags, when this message pops up: “This blog has been deactivated . . .” Wait, wuh? “. . . because we believe it does not comply with the WordPress.com Terms of Service or advertising policy.”

So they just delete it? Without telling me why? Immediately I clicked the link that said to contact them if I believe they “misclassified” my blog with a message like, “What’s going on? Tell me what to fix and I’ll fix it.”

I texted Angela. “WordPress deleted my blog. Said I violated a rule.” She had a similar reaction to mine. “What? Why? It must be a mistake.” Her exact words were: “What rule could you have violated?? Being too awesome?” Which was a perfect and appreciated response and made me feel a little better, as a good friend always should and she always does.

As I put the kids to bed after obsessively checking my phone for the “WE’RE SO SORRY” email from WordPress (which didn’t come), I thought about what I would do if WOAW was over. Would I start over again? I’ve worked so hard on WOAW and I was really starting to get into it. The blog was my little nibble at success. Six weeks after starting the blog, I was Freshly Pressed, which was like winning the World Series in your rookie year. In four months I managed to amass over 600 followers. I was so proud of the blog. It was such a source of positive feedback for me, feedback that I desperately needed. And it was fun.

When the kids fell asleep, my husband came home and I told him that I was depressed because my blog disappeared. I didn’t expect feeling as sad as I did. He told me not to worry and that it would be straightened out. I know with everything going on in the world, in my life even, this shouldn’t be so important to me, but it is. I’m sorry if that’s wrong.

So I’m typing this on Pages wondering “what’s the sense.” Well, the sense of it is that sometimes I need to write. Writing this non-post is helping me sort my brain. If the blog is gone, it’s gone. I’ll email my closely-knit blogger family to let them know and to warn them that WordPress apparently doesn’t believe in due process. I never had a chance to fix any errors I may have made, or even know why I was deleted. Oh well.

On Tuesday I woke up to the same ugly Mean Message on my blog. I pondered if The Met shut me down because I posted pics of the Opera Hall. Or maybe someone hacked me, or spammed me, or sent a virus. Or maybe half of the WordPress users in the world were deleted and it was a WordPress issue.

On Wednesday morning the Mean Message remained. I thought it was all over. Later Wednesday morning Dylan emailed, asking what happened, which I thought was super sweet (and shows why he’s a member of my WordPress Family). I emailed my go-to Blogger Buddy David (a.k.a. Justin Timberlake) who offered to help any way he could, and texted my mom. My work buddies tried to figure out the problem, and my friend Anita told me I shouldn’t feel guilty for being sad about losing the blog, because it was something I enjoyed.

Finally, Wednesday afternoon, I received an email from WordPress. This is what it said:

Hi there,

Thanks for getting in touch.

Can any links to [deleted for obvious reasons] be removed, please? These are not permitted on WordPress.com and our system has an automatic check in place for them.

Thank you in advance.

Well, okay then. Progress! They didn’t forget about me! Still, I had questions. I hadn’t been able to access my posts. I had no idea where the suspect link was posted. I thought perhaps it was in my Roller Boogie post since that was the last post that had made it through to Publish. Turns out the Cyber Police are quicker than that. The suspect link was in the post I was trying to publish as I got the Mean Message. It was a link for a picture that I got off Google Images. I immediately deleted the picture and the link. I’ll post the handbag post (minus the blog-killing pic) tomorrow. (Special thanks to my new friend Al at The Blog Identity for noticing I was gone and welcoming me back!).

Anyway, to make a short story long, for two nights I was blogless. But when I read back what I wrote that first night on Pages, I realized something. I’m a writer. Like, a real one. Believe me, I’m under no impression that I’m any good at it, but still, that drive to write is there, and it’s never a chore. I never dread it. I always want to do it.

Another lesson learned: I’m never linking again. Or at least I’m going to be really super careful about what I’m linking. My apologies to WordPress for (a) unknowingly violating their rules and (b) harassing them with a total of four panicked “HELP ME” messages. But can’t y’all figure out a way to let us know what’s going on before you freak us out by deactivating us? Maybe when we hit “publish” on the violating post there could be a pop up that says: “You can’t publish this post. We’ll tell you why in a couple of days. For now, don’t publish.” Then at least we’d know that all our stuff wasn’t lost in the WordPress matrix, never to be found again.

So what did I do on the two nights I was suspended in WordPress Purgatory? I wrote. I found a screenplay that I had started way back when and I converted it to my Final Draft program, edited it, and got super psyched about it.

Us writers! We’re always writing . . .

🙂 Glad to be back! Have a nice night.

The WordPress Family

Did you know that Clark Kent – yes the Clark Kent – lives in Ohio? He also blogs on WordPress. Okay, I’m not really sure who this elusive Clark Kent is, but I know this . . . Clark posts beautiful, inspiring posts about soulmates and grace, love, and humanity. He recently dinged me for an award: The WordPress Family Award. I am truly grateful. You can see his post and peruse his blog here. Thanks Clark, for the honor you have bestowed upon me.

So, the WordPress Family Award! I hadn’t heard of this one until Clark passed it along. Turns out it was just created on March 4 by a blogger named Shaun, and the best thing about the award – you don’t have to be nominated for it. You can go pick it up for yourself here on Shaun’s blog.

Discussing the award’s origins, Shaun writes:

This is an award for everyone who is part of the “WordPress Family.” I start this award on the basis that the WordPress family has taken me in, and showed me love and a caring side only WordPress can. The way people take a second to be nice, to answer a question and not make things a competition amazes me here. I know I have been given many awards, but I wanted to leave my own legacy on here by creating my own award, as many have done before. This represents “Family” we never meet, but are there for us as family. It is my honour to start this award.

The Rules: (1) Display the logo on your blog (Check!) (2) Link back to the person who nominated you (Check!) (3) Nominate 10 others you see as having an impact on your WordPress experience and family (See below!) (4) Let your 10 family members know you have awarded them (Will do!).

I thought I’d take this opportunity to first, agree with Shaun that although when I started this blog I was nervous as hell hitting that “publish” button, you have all been so nice and welcoming that you make it easy and enjoyable. So thank you, and may I hear a collective “WORDPRESS BLOGGERS ROCK!” Woo-hoo!

Second, I want to use this award to thank those of you who read and comment on WOAW regularly; who help me when I have a technical glitch; and who have recognized WOAW on their own blogs. It’s much appreciated. Therefore, I decided to bend the rules a bit and nominate the top commenters on WOAW (according to today’s stats), who host some of my favorite blogs, for the Family Award.

Nominees for WordPress Family Award

1. Dylan at Eyes Through the Glass- A Blog About Asperger’s. Dylan is an Artist and a Writer who has been Freshly Pressed twice. When he mentioned me as one of his favorite bloggers, and included me in his Daily Prompt post this weekend, I was truly honored. Dylan’s blog is an open, honest account of an adult living with Asperger’s. He also mixes in his artwork, and recently featured his short story, The Castle Aspergis. His blog is one of my faves. Thanks, Dylan for sharing your life.

2. David (my Justin Timberlake) over at Sounds Like Orange. I am fairly certain that I can count on his gravatar picture of an orange to show up at some point during my day, either liking or commenting on one of my posts, or popping up in my inbox announcing one of his new posts. David’s passion is music. Not particularly Justin Timberlake (although he has admitted to enjoying Adele) but really interesting, good . . . different (to me at least) music. I can always count on David for a helpful, insightful comment, help with my son’s math homework, and creative perspectives on life (ex. “an elephant making lasagne” to describe a script). Also, when one of my posts disappeared, David noticed and emailed me. Even though he had taken the day off, when I emailed him back with “HELP MY POST DISAPPEARED,” he ever so calmly walked me through the fix for the glitch. Much appreciation and many thanks to the colorful, wise, and sometimes angry Orange.

3. Megan at The Underground Writer. Megan found me somehow and the next thing I knew, we were emailing about kids spilling Ensure shakes in the refrigerator (trust us, very difficult to clean up). Conversation soon morphed into an exchange of Seinfeld quotes and suddenly I have a new friend. We email just about everyday now and we’ve shared our writing and thoughts and dreams. Someday, we’ll have to actually meet! Despite being a busy mom of two, Megan writes thoughtful, fun posts about life. One of my faves is about the different techniques that old men use to make the moves on younger women (read it here!). Thanks, WordPress for hooking us up, and thanks Megan for being you.

4. Sweetness at Chronicles of a Public Transit User. Seeing a new post from COAPTU makes my day because: (1) I know it’s going to be a quick, funny read, (2) usually including a real-life pic, (3) of something utterly ridiculous, (4) that makes me grateful for my minivan. Ask any COAPTU follower about their favorite or most unforgettable post and they’ll say this one, which ends with a Seinfeld reference: “This guy was definitely not the master of his domain.” EWWWW! This blog is a great follow.

5. Al at Once Written. I’ve referred to him as my George Clooney of Blogtropolis. He and I don’t always agree, but I appreciate that he’s not afraid to touch on the difficult issues– Boston, Same-Sex Marriage, religion, education– and the no-so-difficult issues like reality television. My favorite post is this one honoring his dad on the two-year anniversary of his dad’s death. Al’s one of my top commenters on WOAW, and as a busy father, husband, animal owner (ask him about his pets . . . go on!) and surgeon (yep, he’s a blogging doc) who dabbles in running on the side, I appreciate his time and insight. Go check him out!

6. Kate at Did That Just Happen Blog. Kate is a single mom to a teenager (who she’s teaching to drive– AHH!) who lives in Texas. On the lighter side, she’s obsessed with the television show Supernatural and finds her crack at Taco Bell. Currently though, she is going through a difficult time with a family member’s medical issues. Despite this turn of events in her life, she manages to make time to post, respond to comments, and keep up-to-date with reading her WordPress blogs. She’s been forthcoming and honest about her experiences, the good and the bad, and reading her blog makes you feel like you are part of her life. This Award is perfect for her and I am happy to nominate her.

7. Ish Ism. Drishism is a graduate student in the Pacific Northwest who runs marathons, hikes, adores his wife, takes awesome pics, and backyard farms. He posts it all, from possums getting into the chicken coop to nominating his wife for Wife of the Year. He’s a busy dude, to say the least, but he always manages to stop by WOAW and like or leave a comment, which I much appreciate.

The other top commenter on WOAW is my mom. But she doesn’t have a blog so I can’t nominate her for the WordPress Family Award. I’ll buy her a cupcake or something. 🙂

Thanks for reading and allowing me to take time to appreciate my blogging family. Have a nice night!

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