Advice to Bloggers – Do a Porn Post! (Sort of)

Although I promised that today I would do the Daily Post Weekly Writing Challenge, I find myself distracted by the Daily Prompt. It reads, in relevant part:

Give your newer sisters and brothers-in-WordPress one piece of advice based on your experiences blogging.

I couldn’t resist sharing my one piece of advice. Are you ready? Here it is: Use the word “porn” in one of your post titles. One of my earlier posts, Mommy Porn, gets at least a hit a day from random internet searches. I’m not kidding!

According to my stats, Mommy Porn has generated 256 views, coming in fourth place overall for most views after my Home Page/Archives, my Freshly Pressed post, and my About page.

The most popular search term that ends up on my G-rated Mommy Porn post is, not surprisingly, “mommy porn,” with nineteen visitors to WOAW. Mix up the terminology a bit to include searches such as “mommyporn,” “mom porn,” “le mommy porn” and even “mom brazilian porn,” (to name a few) and that number doubles. My post featuring Sir Topham Hatt is probably not exactly what these internet users had in mind when they put in their search terms!

There also appears to be a global interest in the Caillou/porn combo. For example, variations of searches combining the terms “Caillou” and “porn,” such as “cartoon porn caillou mom” and “caillou cartoone porno foto,” brought me about fifteen to twenty new friends. Who knew that Caillou was connected to the world of porn? Not me! Apparently, Caillou’s not the only one having fun in that family!

Other PBS Kids-related searches landing on my Mommy Porn post were “thomas the tank engine porn,” “yo gabba gabba porno flix,” and “pbs kids arthur porn,” to name a handful. One person didn’t care which show he/she found porn for, searching the more general term “pbs kids porntoons.” “Porntoons?” Is this a thing?

The most interesting of the search terms in my opinion is “convertible porn movies list.” Huh!?! There are enough porn movies featuring convertibles to make a list? Or am I too naive to know that “convertibles” is code for some sex thing featured in porn movies? Either way, Cheers to the Convertible Porn Lover! Glad to have you around, and I hope you found your list. In the meantime, did you enjoy my discussion about The Man in the Yellow Hat’s ride through the car wash with his convertible top down? HA!

What does this mean? Well, I don’t necessarily think it means the end of civilization or the demise of humanity. My guess is that most of the cartoon porn searches aren’t nefarious in nature. I’m thinking maybe bored or crazy moms, or office jokesters. Wine-drunk Bunco club ladies, or nutty teenagers. The mommy porn?  Maybe more concerning. Who knows for sure? I don’t. And I’m not here to judge.

Perhaps I can restore your faith in humanity by mentioning that there are also many legit searches that resulted in a visit to the Mommy Porn post. For example, I picture the person who searched “dj lance stereo cake,” as a sweet mom looking to make her preschooler’s birthday party special with a custom cake modeled on his favorite show. Or the curious chap who searched “dj lance rock salary,” who is probably steaming mad that he didn’t think to jump around in an orange jumpsuit and become an overnight success in the world of children’s television. Regardless, whether legitimately searched or not, 256 views seems like a successful post, if you ask me.

So, in conclusion, I have two statements:

(1) WELCOME PORN SEARCHERS! I hope you weren’t too disappointed when you ended up on my blog instead of your porn site. Thanks for sticking around!

And . . .

(2) NEW BLOGGERS! Use the word “porn” in a post title and see what happens! Maybe you’ll gain some new viewers too.

Have a nice night. I will try for the Weekly Writing Challenge tomorrow. Thanks for indulging my distraction to the Daily Prompt!

38 Comments

  1. You don’t even need to use “porn” to generate lots of hits – all it takes is a sloppy researcher.

    I had written a pseudo-scientific article about Ctesibius, an ancient Greek inventor known primarily for his studies in hydraulics, which are still in use today, as well as his improvements on the clepsydra (water clock). At first, the post (http://justjigglethehandle.wordpress.com/2012/12/17/ctesibius/) generated a few hits, and then about a month after posting, I started getting several a day (when I last checked about two months ago, it was well over the 800 mark). Now, if you Google “Ancient Greek Alarm Clock” or some variant, it comes up on the first page (on my computer it’s #1)! At first, I thought “Ancient Greek Alarm Clock” was some kind of weird porn thing, which prompted this post (http://justjigglethehandle.wordpress.com/2013/02/04/found-under-g-in-the-dictionary/). However, being curious, I started digging, and eventually came up with this (http://mythologicaladventure.wikispaces.com/PERIOD+2+Life%2C+Work+and+Reputations+of+++Poets%2C+Philosophers%2C+Historians%2C+Scientists%2C+Mathematicians%2C+Artists). Set your Finder either to “justjigglethehandle” or to “Ancient Greek Ideas about Technology: By Bella Nedich.” It seems I’m an accredited Source!

    (Comment fades out with Mad, Evil, Insane giggling … )

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  2. Pingback: Advice to Bloggers – Do a Porn Post! (Sort of) | holjon2110

  3. I couldn’t agree more, quoting some of Marianne Faithful’s lyrics gained me some very impressive weekly figures.

    I love the idea of being a momentary distraction to a legion of one-handed browsers…

    Like

  4. Pingback: Dog-Bite Mean | 1537

  5. This is hilarious! Some of my personal favourite hits from awkward internet searches:

    – when is there nudity in dear america
    – contemporary racist valentines day cards
    – sexy gay dracula
    – blackboard sexy
    – hot chocolate brain waves

    ‘sup, internet?

    Like

  6. Thanks for stopping by my blog, Snide Reply, and liking my post on sexual assault of men in the military. I am going to have to read the mommy porn post. Oh, and try writing a post about accidentally seeing your son’s penis. You will be reminded, daily, that there are a lot of really sick people out there.

    Like

  7. Hi Jess, thanks for visiting my site and the ‘like’ on my last post. Out of curiosity I thought I would look at this post and found it most interesting! What you said must be true because I linked a post on ‘teen porn’ on my blog site and it has been POPULAR, to say the least!

    My thinking about followers is that I don’t seek them out or care to keep track of them. I only want to know that what I’m posting is being read. So I keep a tally of viewers in my side bar. Drgold, my other half has only an insignificant number of followers, but many viewers visiting his site http://drgoldsite.wordpress.com, more than me and I have submitted 4x’s as many posts to my site. Well, maybe I’m exaggerating!
    ~Liz

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  8. i’m pretty sure i tried that before – ah yes, ‘porn again’ and can’t remember it receiving as many hits as i deviously was hoping it would – let me check: hm, maybe not, really thought i had, oh well good advice then… what is disturbing on my blog – my nickname is FISH which stands for Faithful In Serving Him and i have a series of Taboo Topics which are topics people [especially the church as that is often my audience] rarely writes about including such things as infertility, losing a child, singleness [HUGE hits – that seems to be popular and the one i did on Pornography/Masturbation which i guess might also welcome a few disappointed people] but i can not tell you the number of days [it is almost at least one a day plus variations] that people arrive at my site having typed ‘Masturbation Fish’ or ‘Masturbation with Fish’ into Uncle Google… that is really disturbing – seeing what search phrases got people to you is often funny [today has ‘tumblr oldmaid pussy videos’ ‘strange fish’ and ‘sack race humour’ for starters] yup and looks like at least 29 people have landed at my site typing in the specific phrase ‘fish masturbation’ but then as i said many derivatives… ai, the world we live in – but that section brings more mirth than weirdedoutness… so ja, will have to give that one a try. Titles are so important to getting people to come see what you’re saying…

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  9. Pingback: Masturbation Fish [aka What did you Google when you Googled that thing you Googled?] | Irresistibly Fish

  10. Pingback: Patience and persistance | Ireland, Multiple Sclerosis & Me

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