I’m going to be a published author! (Woot woot! *Happy dances* and simultaneously pops Tums).
Limitless Publishing will be publishing my novel, The Love Square, hopefully this winter! I’ve already started edits and everyone there has been awesome dealing with me, the newbie author, who has no clue and eight million questions.
Also, BookFish Books will be publishing the first two books in my Sheridan Hall series: She Laughs in Pink, and She Runs Away. I’m already in love with the BookFish team and know my books are in excellent hands. She Laughs in Pink has an anticipated publishing date of May 2016. You may remember that one from when I participated in NaNoWriMo in November of 2013. “SLIP” was the book I drafted during that time! I’ve been rewriting and editing since, which has finally paid off.
Instead of going into details about the books here, I’ve created an author website that I’d love for you to explore. There you’ll find a list of my books with descriptions, an author bio, a contact page, a link to this blog, and links to my social media pages. Be gentle-I’m no website designer and I did this by myself, so there may be something off-center or not quite perfect.
If you’re so inclined, please sign up for my email newsletter (it’s in the footer of the author website). I’d love to have someone with which to share book news, and I promise I won’t flood your inbox!
As always, thank you for reading and I hope you have a nice day!
Today a couple of things happened that made me think I’m perhaps losing my mind.
First, I left the van windows open all night (yes, the van The Rock tried to fit his extra long baguette into). Admittedly, it’s not the first time that happened, but now JC can add “damp, mildewy, and dank” to the adjectives he uses to describe the Jalopy.
Okay, whatever. No big deal.
Next, I did some “writerly” things (a term panned by Angela, who hereby sneaks her way into another post) and decided to reward myself by watching the premiere of Empire, which aired earlier in the week. I turned it on and they started with “Previously on Empire” and I’m trying to play along but I have no idea what any of the clips mean.
Then it hits me. I NEVER WATCHED THE FINALE!
Wuh?
I know! I have a vague recollection of it not recording, or maybe we switched cable boxes and the DVR cleared itself and I never got to see it. Somewhere there’s a thought drifting around my head that I was supposed to watch it On Demand. Maybe I thought that happened, but it didn’t?
So of course I have no idea what’s happening. Lucious is in prison with Chris Rock, Marisa Tomei is a lesbian, Jamal is the head of the company and is a meanie. WHAT IS GOING ON?
I did enjoy the commercial with Taraji P. Henson, Kerry Washington, and Mary J. Blige making a mix tape on their computer (don’t ask me details- it’s all fuzzy). Why I was watching the commercials for a DVR recorded show is also of concern.
Next, I wrote a friend a birthday card and on the way to pick up JC, I slid it into the mail slot in our post box. I then get to JC’s school and park, and like all good parents who try their best to be anti-social, I reach for my phone.
Except it’s not there. Now I’m nervous because I don’t go anywhere without my phone and I was sure I had it in the van with me. I was convinced I mailed it with the birthday card. I debated with myself if this was possible, as I sat in the Jalopy and waited for JC.
I devised a master plan to stand next to the mailbox and use JC’s phone to call my phone, and see if the mailbox started ringing. I envisioned having to get through the automated Post Office phone system to speak to a human and ask whether there exists a lost and found. Surely, people mistakenly mail things all the time? Then I decided there simply was no way I could have mailed my iPhone. It’s a giant 6 Plus!
Could I have mailed my phone? Maybe! Ugh.
For the fifteen minutes I sat in the van alone, windows open enjoying the breeze, without my phone. Peaceful, yes, but I felt as if stranded on a deserted island, or that I time-traveled back to the 80’s. I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel anxiously and created rap lyrics- I’m at the school/and I’m cool/and you see me and you drool/lost my phone/ain’t at home/so now I’m rapping up a poem – Lyrical genius, I am not.
The phone was not in the mailbox-it was in my kitchen. I may watch Empire again. I don’t know. Maybe I need a vacation. If this post had a point, obviously I’ve lost track of that, too.
First, a HELLO to everyone who ended up here as a result of googling any combination of “sex” and “The Rock.” I know it happens, as evidenced by a post I did called “Mommy Porn,” which remains one of my most viewed posts. I get the whole sex + The Rock thing, I do, and I don’t judge. You are welcome here at WOAW.
As the title of this post conveys, last night I had a dream. How about I lay it out for you?
THE SETTING:
Modern day, central New Jersey, a Clifford Red 2005 Honda Odyssey parked on a suburban street.
Jess leans into the driver’s door of the minivan, as The Rock leans into the passenger side door. He’s holding an approximately four-foot long, French baguette, wrapped in one of those brown paper baguette bags. He’s trying to fit the baguette over the front seats into the sunglasses compartment on the dash.
Jess (looking over the seats to The Rock): Dude. What are you doing?
The Rock: What?
Jess: It’s not going to fit.
The Rock: No?
Jess: Put your baguette in the back.
And there you have it. That was the entire dream. I mean . . . I don’t know. Maybe my mind is in the gutter, but it may have been a sex dream. Please note: we were fully clothed the entire time, I had gone to Wegman’s that morning with my husband and we did buy baguettes, and because I anticipate that your curious minds want to know, I did not see if The Rock put his baguette in the back.
I’d like to point out for the record the following, which may or may not sway your thoughts:
My friend Angela and I both love The Rock and have decided we will drop everything to work on his presidential campaign. No, he’s not running in 2016, but someday we can envision this happening. We don’t even care what party he runs for because if anyone can unite the bipartisan system, it’s The Rock.
If I were in close proximity to The Rock, I would not take him food shopping. I’d add something sassy here, such as “we’d find other fun things to do, wink wink,” but in reality if The Rock visited my house, I’m fairly certain my husband would swoop in and spend the day talking with him about workouts and diets (meh).
However, if we did go food shopping I just don’t think The Rock would buy a four-foot long baguette. You know, carbs? Since I stalk him on Instagram I’m aware he enjoys a splurge once in awhile, but he’s a damn healthy dude (obviously). I’m thinking we’d buy cod and protein-laden stuff. I picture myself trying to sneak Pringles into the basket and him giving me the eyebrow and tsking at me.
Further, I would not subject The Rock to the Jalopy minivan, which has no air conditioning and requires duct tape to keep one of the sliding doors closed (on occasion). If we had to go food shopping, I would insist we take his fancy truck (I’ve seen it on Instagram). All the baguettes in the world can fit in the back of that thing.
I did say “Dude” in my dream, which I never say in real life.
I have been writing a lot of romance lately, none involving putting anything in the back of anything. Still, had I slept a bit sounder maybe this dream would have led to a romantic picnic with The Rock, including bread, cod, and whatever else The Rock “is cooking.” Stranger things have happened (haven’t they?).
I’d put a poll in here but that may be too weird, even for me. Still, I’d love to hear your thoughts. What’s up with this dream?
As always, thank you for accommodating my crazy. I hope you have a great day.
You all know how much I love a Daily Prompt. Today’s is: You have to spend one day as or with your favorite fictional character. Which one would it be and what would you do?
Gosh, the possibilities are endless.
On one hand, I’d love to say Katniss or Tris, but I wouldn’t want to be hanging out in situations where I’d need weapons and protective gear. Also, I’m not confident in my ability to train hop, jump off buildings, or save the world.
So I’d choose to be Olivia Pope, from Scandal (which returns this Thursday! Set your DVRs!)
I know what you’re thinking. Olivia could benefit from weapons and protective gear with her crazy life. But if I were her for a day, I’d change everything.
First, I’d wake up in her comfy-looking, fluffy bed and power down the damn cell phones. Everyone’s always bothering her with their problems. I’d spend a minute reflecting on my choices- good choices like the wine I had for dinner last night, and bad choices like when I trusted my parents with stuff.
Then, I’d saunter out of bed and hang out in my closet, admiring my lovely wardrobe. The cardigans! The coats! The handbags! The shoes! I’m not much of a fashion plate in real life but with Olivia Pope’s closet I could easily change that. Tailored, classy, and covered up with touches of femininity, nothing beats Olivia’s style.
Since I would only be Olivia for one day, I’d choose my outfit wisely and get ready for the office. I’d head over to OPA (Olivia Pope Associates) and deal with the crazy people at work. Talk Huck off a ledge, keep Quinn from going totally nutso, call Abby and ask for a selfie so I could see how lovely her hair looks that day. Maybe I’d sit in my awesomely dark and mysterious office and actually do something like . . . paperwork. Olivia never gets her paperwork done. Her business is probably a shambles.
Or maybe I’d borrow one of Huck’s hacking laptops (making sure not to “X” out of his illegal, yet useful, activities) and play solitaire or email my friends for lunch.
Wait. Olivia doesn’t have friends. Okay, so maybe I’d call Mellie (the First Lady and my President Lover’s wife) for lunch. We’d eat salads and partake in cocktails, compare notes on Fitz, plan her run for Presidency. You know, girl talk.
Maybe I’d invite Susan Ross, the Vice President and probably the only person on the show who really cares about the American people, to hang with us.
Afterwards, I’d leisurely stroll through the Mall and check out the monuments on my way back to the office. (By the way, I was recently in DC and took this great pic . . .)
Reflecting Pool and Lincoln Memorial. Duck Family. Sunset.
When I returned, I’d take off my heels and settle in for the afternoon. Or maybe I’d just go home, slip into something more comfortable like a flowy, white sweater, and pop open a bottle of wine.
I’ll tell you what I wouldn’t do if I were Olivia. I wouldn’t take any calls from my father, that’s for sure. I’d probably avoid watching the news. Whenever Olivia watches the news she ends up fixing some jerk’s mess.
I certainly wouldn’t respond to Cyrus, Charlie and the B613 crew, or Sally Langston. Nor would I partake in the Jake-Fitz-Me love triangle. Anyone who pops up on Olivia’s phone as a known contact is nothing but trouble, and my day as Olivia would be trouble free.
If I were Olivia, I’d have her join a book club in the suburbs, or go to a movie or a yoga class. Doesn’t Olivia need a day like that, folks? Her life is exhausting with all those men and terrorists and politicians. She spends her days dealing with drama and then what does she do for “fun?” She runs around D.C. with her earbuds blasting seventies music.
Well, running is great and Olivia has a good shuffle of tunes on her iPod, but I’ll tell you, that’s not going to happen with me possessing her spirit for the day. With me, Olivia would have one day of peace and rest while she lets the world crumble around her.
I have a feeling that on Thursday’s premiere, Olivia will not be joining yoga class or lunching with Susan Ross. Of course there’s no way to be sure what ABC has planned, but it’s just a feeling . . .
Thanks for reading- now go set your DVR! (Shout out to cousin Denise- Happy Birthday 🙂 )
A long, shrill, continuous beep . . . a flatline . . .
Get the cart! Plug in the paddles!
Rubs paddles together and places them on WOAW’s metaphorical chest . . .
All clear! Jess yells, as she shocks her blog alive.
A quick blip . . . then another . . . LIFE!
WOAW lives . . .
I needed that jolt! Phew, I feel so much better. There’s blogging life in me yet. I have to admit, as soon as I opened WordPress and saw my lovely little piece of the internet here, I got the warm and fuzzies and wanted to hug my computer.
I’ve missed you all and have so much to tell you! Where to begin?
Well, first, I am still unemployed. Meh. I’m interviewing but everything takes forever. I have mixed feelings about going back to work. Of course, money would be nice, but I have to admit that being home is nice, too. Now that I’m home, I don’t know how I ever worked. When I worked there were no noon doctor appointments or 4:30 Kids Zumba classes. Homework was never done by dinner time. I guess we all do what we have to do and if (when) I get a job, we’ll re-adjust.
The best part of interviewing was hitting up the Ann Taylor outlet for a new interview suit. I had tons of fun shopping, and I’m not much of a shopper. I even bought two pairs of cute work shoes at Aerosoles.
Haha, just kidding. These are my Docs and I love them.These are my new shoes. Don’t worry, I wear them in matching sets, not mixed like this. 🙂
So where did the summer go? Well, I thought I’d have this wonderful summer being Supermom, but alas, that did not happen. Summer was fine, don’t get me wrong, but within a week of having the boys home I was like, “Who wants to go to camp?!?” I’d have taken out a loan to get them out of the house if it came down to it.
Trust me, they were happy to go. Camp had kids and pools and trips, and the boys had a great time. M. went to a YMCA sponsored camp for special needs kids which was awesome. JC spent his days at our town’s Rec Camp and Splash Camp at the YMCA pool. I seriously don’t think I could have handled them home all summer. They’re cute (usually) and fun (depending on your definition of “fun”), but not in large chunks of never-ending long, hot summer days. Just keeping it honest here, folks. We all survived and enjoyed. I even took JC to the top of the Empire State Building . . .
JC snapping pics from the Empire State Building, NYC
And M. to the supermarket . . .
Yes, he’s 10 and yes, I let him sit in the cart. I had just picked him up from camp and he was tired and dirty- it was ice cream day, but I’m not sure how stains ended up on the back of his swim shirt.
No, really. We did fun things. I swear. Now it’s back to school, my favorite time of the year. I’m already learning a lot in sixth grade. I had to google how to read a triple beam balance and how to do long division with decimals in the mix. I . . . I mean, JC . . . will be doing a science project involving popcorn, and one that will require mehim to make a model of an invertebrate. Go sixth grade! I don’t know why the kid complains. It’s nothing but fun times.
Besides the family stuff, this summer I made new friends and kept the old. I went back to yoga, then stopped again. I walked the dog a lot. Remember Kiri?
Kiri Dog (aka “Kirsten Louise,” “Weezy,” and/or “Pain in my Butt”)
Mostly, I’ve been writing and learning and asking questions about things. In the next week or so I hope to share more about my experiences with you, as well as some exciting news concerning my writing life.
Until then, it’s nice to be here in my happy place. Thanks for reading and have a good night!
Waiting on a Word 
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