Help! I Lost My Mind and Forgot Where I Put It!

Today a couple of things happened that made me think I’m perhaps losing my mind.

First, I left the van windows open all night (yes, the van The Rock tried to fit his extra long baguette into). Admittedly, it’s not the first time that happened, but now JC can add “damp, mildewy, and dank” to the adjectives he uses to describe the Jalopy.

Okay, whatever. No big deal.

Next, I did some “writerly” things (a term panned by Angela, who hereby sneaks her way into another post) and decided to reward myself by watching the premiere of Empire, which aired earlier in the week. I turned it on and they started with “Previously on Empire” and I’m trying to play along but I have no idea what any of the clips mean.

Then it hits me. I NEVER WATCHED THE FINALE!

Wuh? 

I know! I have a vague recollection of it not recording, or maybe we switched cable boxes and the DVR cleared itself and I never got to see it. Somewhere there’s a thought drifting around my head that I was supposed to watch it On Demand. Maybe I thought that happened, but it didn’t?

So of course I have no idea what’s happening. Lucious is in prison with Chris Rock, Marisa Tomei is a lesbian, Jamal is the head of the company and is a meanie. WHAT IS GOING ON? 

I did enjoy the commercial with Taraji P. Henson, Kerry Washington, and Mary J. Blige making a mix tape on their computer (don’t ask me details- it’s all fuzzy). Why I was watching the commercials for a DVR recorded show is also of concern.

Next, I wrote a friend a birthday card and on the way to pick up JC, I slid it into the mail slot in our post box. I then get to JC’s school and park, and like all good parents who try their best to be anti-social, I reach for my phone.

Except it’s not there. Now I’m nervous because I don’t go anywhere without my phone and I was sure I had it in the van with me. I was convinced I mailed it with the birthday card. I debated with myself if this was possible, as I sat in the Jalopy and waited for JC. 

I devised a master plan to stand next to the mailbox and use JC’s phone to call my phone, and see if the mailbox started ringing. I envisioned having to get through the automated Post Office phone system to speak to a human and ask whether there exists a lost and found. Surely, people mistakenly mail things all the time? Then I decided there simply was no way I could have mailed my iPhone. It’s a giant 6 Plus!

Could I have mailed my phone? Maybe! Ugh.

For the fifteen minutes I sat in the van alone, windows open enjoying the breeze, without my phone. Peaceful, yes, but I felt as if stranded on a deserted island, or that I time-traveled back to the 80’s. I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel anxiously and created rap lyrics- I’m at the school/and I’m cool/and you see me and you drool/lost my phone/ain’t at home/so now I’m rapping up a poem – Lyrical genius, I am not.

The phone was not in the mailbox-it was in my kitchen. I may watch Empire again. I don’t know. Maybe I need a vacation. If this post had a point, obviously I’ve lost track of that, too.

*Taps head with fists* “Work, brain, work!”

Thanks for reading. Have a great weekend!

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