First, a HELLO to everyone who ended up here as a result of googling any combination of “sex” and “The Rock.” I know it happens, as evidenced by a post I did called “Mommy Porn,” which remains one of my most viewed posts. I get the whole sex + The Rock thing, I do, and I don’t judge. You are welcome here at WOAW.
As the title of this post conveys, last night I had a dream. How about I lay it out for you?
Modern day, central New Jersey, a Clifford Red 2005 Honda Odyssey parked on a suburban street.
Jess . . .
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson . . .
One four-foot long French Baguette . . .
Jess leans into the driver’s door of the minivan, as The Rock leans into the passenger side door. He’s holding an approximately four-foot long, French baguette, wrapped in one of those brown paper baguette bags. He’s trying to fit the baguette over the front seats into the sunglasses compartment on the dash.
Jess (looking over the seats to The Rock): Dude. What are you doing?
The Rock: What?
Jess: It’s not going to fit.
The Rock: No?
Jess: Put your baguette in the back.
And there you have it. That was the entire dream. I mean . . . I don’t know. Maybe my mind is in the gutter, but it may have been a sex dream. Please note: we were fully clothed the entire time, I had gone to Wegman’s that morning with my husband and we did buy baguettes, and because I anticipate that your curious minds want to know, I did not see if The Rock put his baguette in the back.
I’d like to point out for the record the following, which may or may not sway your thoughts:
- My friend Angela and I both love The Rock and have decided we will drop everything to work on his presidential campaign. No, he’s not running in 2016, but someday we can envision this happening. We don’t even care what party he runs for because if anyone can unite the bipartisan system, it’s The Rock.
- If I were in close proximity to The Rock, I would not take him food shopping. I’d add something sassy here, such as “we’d find other fun things to do, wink wink,” but in reality if The Rock visited my house, I’m fairly certain my husband would swoop in and spend the day talking with him about workouts and diets (meh).
- However, if we did go food shopping I just don’t think The Rock would buy a four-foot long baguette. You know, carbs? Since I stalk him on Instagram I’m aware he enjoys a splurge once in awhile, but he’s a damn healthy dude (obviously). I’m thinking we’d buy cod and protein-laden stuff. I picture myself trying to sneak Pringles into the basket and him giving me the eyebrow and tsking at me.
- Further, I would not subject The Rock to the Jalopy minivan, which has no air conditioning and requires duct tape to keep one of the sliding doors closed (on occasion). If we had to go food shopping, I would insist we take his fancy truck (I’ve seen it on Instagram). All the baguettes in the world can fit in the back of that thing.
- I did say “Dude” in my dream, which I never say in real life.
- I have been writing a lot of romance lately, none involving putting anything in the back of anything. Still, had I slept a bit sounder maybe this dream would have led to a romantic picnic with The Rock, including bread, cod, and whatever else The Rock “is cooking.” Stranger things have happened (haven’t they?).
I’d put a poll in here but that may be too weird, even for me. Still, I’d love to hear your thoughts. What’s up with this dream?
As always, thank you for accommodating my crazy. I hope you have a great day.