Mommy Porn

There’s been a lot of talk about so-called “mommy porn” since 50 Shades of Grey (E.L. James). I’m here to tell you, Blogtropolis Moms, that if you are in the minority and haven’t yet read the books, be advised that you don’t need to succumb to the hype. There are lots of fun guys you can obsess over right in your living room, everyday, on your kids’ television shows! (NOTE: A post is brewing in my head about the 50 Shades craze, but I’ll save that for another time.) (NOTE TWO:  I figured out how to post pics from the internet.  Woo hoo!  Blogging is fun.)

I know what you are thinking, especially if you are reading this in the morning and haven’t yet had your coffee. Huh?

Who needs Christian Grey when you can spend your time with the men of daytime television? Come on, Ladies. Haven’t we all played FMK with The Wiggles? Or internally debated while watching Blue’s Clues whether Steve or Joe is the better catch? Anyone else have a crush on Steve Songs?

I present for your G-rated reading pleasure, my list of Top Five Desirable “Men” of Children’s Television:

5) Sir Topham Hatt (Thomas the Tank Engine)

Sir Topham Hatt

This “Fat Controller” (their words not mine) of the Sodor railway is a man of great power and prestige. When he’s not hosting royalty, he’s fixing a problem, or directing trains, or positively reinforcing his brave and useful engines. Topham enjoys music- he’s a big fan of opera singer Alicia Botti and the Sodor Brass Band. He’s got a bit of a belly, but his trademark black top hat helps divert the eyes upward. And, friends, he’s a “Sir.” That means his wife is a “Lady.” Wouldn’t we all want to be addressed as “Ladies”? Lady Jane Hatt is one lucky girl, if you ask me!

4) “Daddy” (Caillou)

“Daddy”

Daddy makes the list despite the oversized green sweater he wears every day because he’s very helpful to the household, deals with the kids without losing his patience (although once he almost lost it while driving the car when Rosie and Caillou were fighting in the backseat– I am sure we could all sympathize), and mostly because he looks like Paul Rudd. Do you see the resemblance, People? I think it’s the hair. Anyone who resembles Paul Rudd makes the list. Period.

Paul Rudd

3) David Read (Arthur)

David Read

Arthur’s dad is a handsome dude . . . or mouse . . . or whatever species the characters on Arthur are, and owns a catering company that he runs out of the garage. He’s a chef, Ladies! Look at that cake!  What more can you want?

2) The Man With the Yellow Hat (Curious George)

The Man with the Yellow Hat

He almost made first place, but recently while watching an episode, my husband called TMWTYH a “dummy” for leaving the car window open on his convertible while going through the car wash, and I had to agree, so TMWTYH lost some points with me.

But despite his car wash gaffe, let’s face it. He’s a great catch. Tall, dark, rich, and handsome, TMWTYH owns an apartment in the city overlooking the park, as well as a country house near farms and lakes where he retreats often via the aforementioned convertible. He goes on vacations. He bowls. He throws parties. He has a monkey to help him pick up his dry cleaning and buy him donuts. Besides the all-yellow wardrobe, which admittedly could use a woman’s touch, I can’t find a flaw.

And, Number One on the list of Desirables (drum roll please . . .)

1) D.J. Lance Rock (Yo Gabba Gabba)

D.J. Lance Rock

Christian Grey has nothing on Lance! D.J. Lance Rock is super cool and fun and retro, and knows his manners as well as the food groups and safety rules. Would Christian Grey wear a tight orange jumpsuit and orange faux fur hat? I think not! Would he dance around like a wonderful maniac and carry around a big box with his toys in it? No way! I can think of nothing more exciting than going on a grown-up playdate with D.J. Lance. Would he wear the orange? Would he wear his black-rimmed glasses? Would we “break it down” at the end of the date? I’d insist on going dancing of course, but wouldn’t it also be fun to bring his big box to the park and play with the Yo Gabbas? Especially if Jack Black or Tobey Maguire made an appearance?

Blogtropolis Moms, who needs X-rated “playrooms” when you can enjoy a nice G-rated fantasy with these five “men” in your kid’s playroom? I’ll gladly add to the list, if there are any suggestions out there. In the meantime, have fun playing Wiggles FMK! (Hey, whatever gets us through the day, right?)

24 Comments

  1. You know I keep coming back to this post? I have read it about 4 times over the weekend. It makes me chuckle. First because my husband and I joke that 50 shades of grey should be called 50 shades of buy a real f**king book. Sorry for the profanity, but the F word is what helps get the point across. Also, we watch Calliou more than anything else in our house. I love this post, it’s REAL!

    Like

  2. I can’t wait for your 50 Shades post! I may be the only person in this country who hasn’t read that book, but based on what I have heard, I’m assuming that I’m not missing much.

    This blog was excellent! It reminded me of something I read years ago (I am thinking it was in “Parenting” magazine, but I’m not certain). Basically, the article said, “If you’re starting to find Anthony from “The Wiggles” hot, then you’re a mom who needs to get out more.”

    Like

  3. I never quite thought of it like this, but DANGED if TMWTYH isn’t my cup of tea. Or Coffee. (Monkey men tend to hail from the jungles, no? So they have to be Brazilian or … Dos Equis kinda men – RRrrr! – anyway, I’m convinced, now that I’ve had this one-sided philosophical mind-wander, Jungle men drink coffee, not tea.)
    But I’ll take Paul Rudd if TMWTYH is .. you know, “batting for the other team”.

    Like

  4. My favourite G-rated TV dad has always been, and always will be, Cliff Huxtable from The Cosby Show. I know he’s not a cartoon dad, but I don’t anyone has come close to beating him. I also always found the dad from The Wonder Years to be more than a little scary. (And I’m showing my age now!)

    Like

  5. Pingback: Advice to Bloggers – Do a Porn Post! (Sort of) | Waiting on a Word

  6. Pingback: When I Maybe Had a Sex Dream About The Rock . . . | Waiting on a Word

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s