Movies – Waiting on a Word

Drafts

Me again!

Having been absent from my WordPress site for some time, now that I’m back, the entire interface seems different (Where are the Daily Prompts? Are we not doing that anymore?). Up in the corner, next to my blog name, there’s a little number “41.”

Click on it and come to figure out that 41 means the number of draft posts I have in the can. FORTY-ONE!? Thought I’d delve into that bank of possibilities to see if anything could be revived, and here’s a sample of what I found:

Screen Shot 2018-07-04 at 9.52.27 PM

Call me crazy, but those titles made me think there may be some decent stuff in there. Well, not so much. But a couple were diamonds in the rough so I thought I’d share parts of them.

Here’s a sample of “Looking for Good Female Characters? Stick With Cable!” drafted on February 19, 2014…

Yesterday, I sighed in joy as I sat in the movie theater and watched American Hustle. It took me a second to figure out why.

In my quest to watch the films nominated for Best Picture prior to the Academy Awards, I’d been missing women. So far, I’d seen Dallas Buyers Club, Nebraska, and Captain Phillips. All boys (mostly). American Hustle featured boys, but also Amy Adams and Jennifer Lawrence in major roles. Finally. Let’s hear it for the girls!

Today, I talked with a screenwriter friend struggling with a female protagonist in her latest project. We tossed around ideas to give her character depth and purpose. She really wanted to focus on the character before tackling the plot. We decided to think about our favorite female characters in movies and why we liked them.

Interestingly, we couldn’t come up with much in the movie category. We wanted to stay away from the far ends of the spectrum– the sappy love/family-obsessed girl on one side, and the female cop/superhero on the other. There had to be characters that fell somewhere in the middle. Right?

Hmm….

On the television side, though, we had some success. Here’s a sampling of characters we came up with: Gemma Morrow (Katey Sagal, Sons of Anarchy), Nancy Botwin (Mary-Louise Parker, Weeds), Olivia Pope (Kerry Washington, Scandal), and Veronica Mars (Kristen Bell in a television series-turned-movie of the same name). These roles portray smart, determined women, who still exhibit human qualities. Gemma is ruthless, but nobody can question her devotion to her family; Olivia is brilliant, but has a soft spot for the President; Nancy is fearless, but makes questionable choices when it comes to her family and personal life; and what I learned about Veronica (I didn’t watch the television series) is that she’s witty and clever, but still enjoys the company of cute boys.

These four roles signify a diverse range of characters- an aging biker chick, an uber-successful overachieving DC lawyer/PR specialist, a California neighborhood housewife weed dealer, and a high school student moonlighting as a private investigator. But what they all have in common is that they fall in the middle of that spectrum– they are neither all-consumed by love and men and family, nor invincible superheroes. The beauty of their characters is that they linger somewhere in between.

So, hmm, why didn’t I post that? I think it’s a fair assessment for the time it was drafted. I don’t know. I’m guessing I thought it was boring, although reading it now makes me want to hit up Netflix and rewatch some of those shows.

Moving on… One of my favorite drafts in the folder is titled “2016: The Year of the Draft Posts,” which is sort of the post I’m writing right now. It had some nice insights, and I’m guessing it didn’t get posted because I stopped writing mid-list. I also think it’s funny that I had 22 draft posts at that time, and now I’ve jumped into the 40’s. Here’s a snippet:

I have twenty-two draft posts.

Twenty-two? WTF?

I looked through my Drafts and found some decent posts. I couldn’t figure out why I wouldn’t have posted them. I think the answer is that I’ve changed. Maybe in a good way, maybe not.

Back when I wrote those drafts, I was still scared to share words, especially words that shared little pieces of me. I thought my posts were boring (they may be), self-centered (they definitely are), and/or not well-written (some aren’t). But in the past year or so of publishing and authoring, I’ve learned a couple of things.

1. Not everyone is going to like everything I write, and that’s okay. This blog is my corner of the internet world and it’s for me. So yes, it may get a little self-centered sometimes. It’s not professionally edited. I don’t have much advice about the craft of writing or other fancy things that people talk about. But I started this blog without a purpose–the Blogger Without a Cause. I like having the freedom to post whatever I feel like.

You may not like my posts. Those draft posts may be crap, but I shouldn’t be afraid to post them. They are all little nuggets of me.

Since I’ve written my last post, I’ve had some publishing success. My first book came out in January, my second in May, my third releases in November, and my fourth in May 2017. Guess what? They aren’t perfect and they’re out there, in the world, for people to read! Gasp! People seem to like them, but those one-star reviews are tough, especially when they actually make sense. It’s a lot easier to believe the few one-star reviews than the lovely five-star reviews, for me at least. It was rough going, but I’ve learned to celebrate the good reviews and ignore the bad (as much as I can–I’m only human).

2. I write romance. It’s not meant to be world-changing or literary genius, and that’s okay, too. Romance isn’t for everyone, but to me, it’s an awesome genre. Love makes the world go around and trust me, it’s more entertaining than Moby Dick. If you don’t like it, I get it. I really do. But I yam who I yam and I write what I like to write. Please respect romance!

3. Nobody cares about my words as much as I do, and that’s okay. I’m sure I’ve scrutinized the posts in my Drafts folder way more harshly than would any potential reader. I have to remember that I am my own worst critic. People will not hate me if I can’t control my comma usage or if I miss a typo. Nor will people love me because I wrote a post, or even a book for that matter. Writing a book is a great accomplishment, whether you become published or not. But you can’t take yourself too seriously. As wonderful as your words are, your book’s success or failure isn’t going to matter to most people in the world. Same thing with my draft posts.

4.

Re-reading this partial list, it’s still relevant today, and was a good reminder to not take myself too seriously. So thank you, Past Jess, for your insights!

If you haven’t given up on this post about nothing yet, you’ll be glad to know I saved the best for last. From my draft entitled, “Possible Celebrity Sex Dream #2,” drafted March 5, 2017. Now I have your attention again, don’t I (wink wink)?

Readers of WOAW may recall my dream scene involving The Rock and a baguette in my minivan. If not, click HERE for a recap. Sex dream? Maybe. Anyway, I had another one that I thought I’d embarrass myself and tell you about. Does this count as a celebrity sex dream? I don’t know. But welcome to this new series on WOAW… Possible Celebrity Sex Dreams.

Before I get to the dream, here’s what happened in real life leading up to the dream.

Well, as you may or may not know, I write romance novels.

A cute, young, writer woman I follow on Facebook had been posting about this guy in her work elevator and we (the social media masses) were pressuring her to ask him out. The whole scene was adorable.

I’d spent some time stalking my friend Larissa, and saw pics of her kids on horses. Mine took horseback riding also. I thought about that briefly.

I’d also been complaining to my friend Nicole about the Obamas gallivanting around on vacation when I felt like the country needed them back in the works.

My son had a big science test on weather patterns.

Also, I had a total Seinfeld moment where I woke up in the middle of the night after the dream and made a note on my phone about it. Here’s what I wrote, word for word, typos in original:

Secdeam barack elevator open marriage saga likes horses Nicole and aunt gam rain plane explosion.

Doesn’t seem very sexy does it? But here’s what happened in the dream.

I was in an elevator and I was kissing Barack Obama, who, I’ll add, was a very good kisser. I immediately thought Michelle would kick my ass so I pulled away and said something like “you’re married” and he told me that he and Michelle had an open marriage. Next thing you know we’re outside and there are horses and he tells me that Sasha likes horses. We get into a car and I’m wedged between my friend Nicole, Barack’s aunt, and Barack’s grandmother (Please note: I don’t know if he has any of these relatives). We start driving through a forest and it’s rainy and storming and a plane explodes in front of us.

That’s it.

I’m pretty sure that note that I made, translated into awake-speak, says: Sex dream Barack on elevator, open marriage, Sasha likes horses, Nicole and aunt and grandma for rain plane explosion.

That’s where I left off on that one. Now that I read it, maybe it was more like a “crush dream” than a “possible sex dream.”

Anyway, the moral of the story is: write whatever you want. You don’t have to publish everything, but the act of typing out the words that float around your brain has value in and of itself. There’s a Drafts folder for a reason, friends. May as well use the thing.

Again, thanks for reading, and have a nice night!

When I Maybe Had a Sex Dream About The Rock . . .

First, a HELLO to everyone who ended up here as a result of googling any combination of “sex” and “The Rock.” I know it happens, as evidenced by a post I did called “Mommy Porn,” which remains one of my most viewed posts. I get the whole sex + The Rock thing, I do, and I don’t judge. You are welcome here at WOAW.

As the title of this post conveys, last night I had a dream. How about I lay it out for you?

THE SETTING:

Modern day, central New Jersey, a Clifford Red 2005 Honda Odyssey parked on a suburban street.

THE PLAYERS:

Jess . . .

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson . . .

Looking dapper in his awesome show Ballers on HBO (Pic from: http://www.onlocationvacations.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/therockballers.jpg )

One four-foot long French Baguette . . .

Baguettes (Pic from: http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02600/CECPY7_2600591b.jpg )

THE SCENE:

Jess leans into the driver’s door of the minivan, as The Rock leans into the passenger side door. He’s holding an approximately four-foot long, French baguette, wrapped in one of those brown paper baguette bags. He’s trying to fit the baguette over the front seats into the sunglasses compartment on the dash.

Jess (looking over the seats to The Rock): Dude. What are you doing?

The Rock: What?

Jess: It’s not going to fit.

The Rock: No?

Jess: Put your baguette in the back.

And there you have it. That was the entire dream. I mean . . . I don’t know. Maybe my mind is in the gutter, but it may have been a sex dream. Please note: we were fully clothed the entire time, I had gone to Wegman’s that morning with my husband and we did buy baguettes, and because I anticipate that your curious minds want to know, I did not see if The Rock put his baguette in the back.

I’d like to point out for the record the following, which may or may not sway your thoughts:

My friend Angela and I both love The Rock and have decided we will drop everything to work on his presidential campaign. No, he’s not running in 2016, but someday we can envision this happening. We don’t even care what party he runs for because if anyone can unite the bipartisan system, it’s The Rock.
If I were in close proximity to The Rock, I would not take him food shopping. I’d add something sassy here, such as “we’d find other fun things to do, wink wink,” but in reality if The Rock visited my house, I’m fairly certain my husband would swoop in and spend the day talking with him about workouts and diets (meh).
However, if we did go food shopping I just don’t think The Rock would buy a four-foot long baguette. You know, carbs? Since I stalk him on Instagram I’m aware he enjoys a splurge once in awhile, but he’s a damn healthy dude (obviously). I’m thinking we’d buy cod and protein-laden stuff. I picture myself trying to sneak Pringles into the basket and him giving me the eyebrow and tsking at me.
Further, I would not subject The Rock to the Jalopy minivan, which has no air conditioning and requires duct tape to keep one of the sliding doors closed (on occasion). If we had to go food shopping, I would insist we take his fancy truck (I’ve seen it on Instagram). All the baguettes in the world can fit in the back of that thing.
I did say “Dude” in my dream, which I never say in real life.
I have been writing a lot of romance lately, none involving putting anything in the back of anything. Still, had I slept a bit sounder maybe this dream would have led to a romantic picnic with The Rock, including bread, cod, and whatever else The Rock “is cooking.” Stranger things have happened (haven’t they?).

I’d put a poll in here but that may be too weird, even for me. Still, I’d love to hear your thoughts. What’s up with this dream?

As always, thank you for accommodating my crazy. I hope you have a great day.

Bold Statement of the Day- I Invented Apple Pay

I know what you’re thinking: this woman has finally lost her mind. But I kid you not. I invented Apple Pay. My friend Angela can vouch for me.

For those of you still living in the dark ages (not judging – I love to visit there myself), with certain newer Apple devices you can set up Apple Pay through the Passbook and pay for stuff with your phone. Basically, it’s a digital wallet. You can read more about it HERE if you are interested.

I don’t know how it works. Magic, I guess. Still, I invented it.

Angela and I dabble in writing screenplays (bear with me), and in 2013 prior to the existence of Apple Pay, I started a screenplay that took place ten years in the future. The protagonist was a girl named Liberty and she was born on September 11, 2001, and when the story took place in 2023 she was twenty-two years old.

Trust me, my screenplay writing skills lack a whole lot, but the premise was kind of neat. Libby was born into a world where relationships and social interaction were replaced with devices; however, she longed for human contact. The screenplay gets a little dark. I won’t go into details, except to say dating was a lot different in the world I created, and Libby starts to get sucked into the darkness in her quest for a personal, human connection. (Not that I think too much about Libby, but Abigail Breslin maybe plays Libby and Selena Gomez can be her roommate, maybe Ian Somerhalder will play a role, etc. etc. I’ll confer with Hollywood and Angela over casting. I digress . . . )

Back to Apple Pay. So in my screenplay, people use their devices for everything. They unlock doors by scanning their phones over lock pads. They don’t shop anymore, instead using their devices for ordering anything they need. They have to travel far distances to find cash – cash is a thing of the past. Libby finds an underground bar that’s a throwback to the old days. It accepts cash only and in order to enter you have to leave your device at the door. Many people turn away when they realize they have to separate from their device.

Libby comments that people don’t go anywhere anymore – they attend school on-line, their personal trainers are on line, books, television, radio all on-line. Nobody drives anywhere (lessening our dependence on Big Oil), except people delivering packages. In my story, phones don’t even have a phone function anymore – nobody talks live. People call their device their “smarts,” deleting the “phone” off the end, and providing a not-so-subtle reference that these devices have become an extension of people’s brains.

Apple Pay, right. You know where this is going. Of course, in Libby’s world, all you need to do to pay for things is to scan your device over a register or a machine. As an example, I wrote a scene where Libby goes to a coffee shop that has only one employee. She self-orders her coffee by tapping on the buttons on the coffee machine, then goes to the “register,” scans her smarts, and voila, done. Then she sits and charges her phone at the table.

See. Apple Pay. I INVENTED IT, people!

Look. I’m not going to harass Apple over this (although it would be great if they can throw me a couple of bucks to pay off my student loans), but I will mention that I typed this screenplay on my MacBook. Now, I’d never insinuate that Apple somehow found my idea *clears throat* . . . just sayin’. MacBook. 🙂

I have to admit that Apple trumped me on the Apple Watch. As I wrote the screenplay, I debated how these people would carry their phones around comfortably (I did invent charging stations for them in the middle of the sidewalks, and like everywhere, to take care of the pesky battery issue). As you can imagine, these devices were people’s entire lives and hell broke loose if they were lost or damaged. My brainstorming led me to some sort of special pocket on all clothing. Apple Watch is a way better solution. DAMMIT! Smart Apple people . . .

Anyway, if anyone in Cupertino is listening, please contact me. I have other Apple ideas I’d love to share. Seriously, I missed my calling. I belong at Apple (or in Hollywood, if anyone wants to buy my half-finished Libby script before the entire thing comes true 🙂 ).

My house or the Apple store? You decide. (Missing from picture: a Nano Shuffle, two iPhone 6 pluses, and an old school iPod touch).

Thanks for reading and have a nice day.

Daily Prompt (From Yesterday)- Page 82 Stress

Yesterday’s Daily Prompt from the Daily Post read:

Open your nearest book to page 82. Take the third full sentence on the page, and work it into a post somehow.

I love prompts where you have to do random stuff like this.

Since I am the self-proclaimed “Blogger Without a Cause,” a rebel amongst the WordPress ranks, of course I could not just answer this prompt. That would be too easy. (Relevantly irrelevant movie quote trivia: “There’s a lotta things about me you don’t know anything about, Dottie. Things you wouldn’t understand. Things you couldn’t understand. Things you shouldn’t understand . . . I’m a loner, Dottie. A rebel.”) I had to live the prompt for a day and obsess over how to answer it.

I read the Daily Prompt at work and had every intention of doing it exactly as the prompt directed. I had two books in my work bag, but I wasn’t thrilled with the page 82’s. Instead, I went home and grabbed the book that’s nearest to me . . . nearest to my heart that is. Hey, the prompt didn’t define “nearest” so I read it broadly.

Anyway, after some how-should-I-approach-this-prompt stress, I decided to show you all three books. Here they are. I couldn’t figure out how to rotate the pic. I may be a rebel, but I’m lazy, too. You’ll just have to read sideways:

We have:

God Hates Us All, by Hank Moody. Bad Feminist, by Roxane Gay. The Notebook, by Nicholas Sparks. Apologies for the flash glaring out the picture of Gosling and McAdams swooning.

Let’s start with God Hates Us All.

Anyone watch Californication? Such a good show. One of my favorite parts of the show is the premise–Hank (David Duchovny) is a New York author who wrote this book, God Hates Us All, which gets turned into a movie called A Crazy Little Thing Called Love. Gotta love that. Hank has to relocate to California, and antics ensue. Someone, somewhere got the idea to have the fictional Hank Moody book published for real, and my friend Angela bought it for us. It’s kind of a neat fan thing.

I love the show and it probably deserves its own post when I get through the seasons on Netflix, but for purposes of the Daily Prompt, let’s look to page 82 and find the third full sentence:

“What a prick,” he says, already removing the vaporizer from his sin cabinet.

I haven’t gotten to this part of the book yet, so I’m wondering what a “sin cabinet” is and if I should get one. This seems like a typical line that you’d hear in Californication, which features a lot of fornicating and sinning, especially by Hank.

Onto Book Two: Bad Feminist, by Roxane Gay.

I’ll start by acknowledging that it may seem that a book about feminism should not be anywhere within walking distance of anything Hank Moody. However, some may argue that Hank is actually a feminist. We will not be arguing that here. Whether or not Hank Moody is a feminist is for another post.

I will take this opportunity to suggest that you read this book. It’s a collection of essays, resulting in a different way to read about feminism. There’s a lot of discussion about television, books, and pop culture, an essay about intense Scrabble competitions, and pieces about the author’s life growing up. It’s enlightening, insightful, sad in parts, funny in parts, and entertaining. Highly recommended.

Onto the prompt, and page 82.

We are not that green.

Ugh. Not the best sentence to write a post about, and explaining what she’s discussing is too much for tonight. Let’s move on.

Sigh… The Notebook. I can’t love this book more. I was really hoping that the third full sentence on page 82 was this one:

“You are, and always have been, my dream.”

or this one:

“You are every reason, every hope, and every dream I’ve ever had, and no matter what happens to us in the future, everyday we are together is the greatest day of my life.”

Of course, it’s neither of those sentences. It’s this:

Once he was married, he’d shorten his hours, he promised himself.

Really? A LON thought? All those great lines between Allie and Noah, and page 82 is a LON line? Ugh.

If you know The Notebook, you know that Allie has to choose whether to be with Noah or Lon. I think to 99.9% of the entire universe, that decision is a no-brainer. I have to say though, Lon isn’t terrible. He just isn’t Noah. As the line above demonstrates, Lon is a hard-working attorney. He’s handsome and the parents like him and he has money. He’s a catch.

BUUUTTTTTTT Noah is Allie’s first love. He reads to her and writes her love letters and goes to war and pines over her. Then he comes back and restores the house where they first made love that magical summer… then he canoes her over to the geese and they get stuck in the rain … I mean, who can compete with that? Especially, when he’s played by Ryan Gosling in the movie version:

The Notebook is one of those books that stays with you. If you like sappy stuff, like I do, you can read it over and over, and then watch the movie a million times and still not get tired of it. You’ll also cry every time, even when you know the ending.

I guess my attempt at the Daily Prompt turned into a mini-fangirl-book-tv-movie-review. That is the magic of the Daily Prompt.

So if there’s anything worth taking away from this post, it’s this: If you haven’t read The Notebook you should be ashamed of yourself. Also, go read Bad Feminist and watch Californication. Maybe not on the same night, or your head will spin.

Thanks for visiting and have a nice night.

(Hank Moody pic: http://dailytwocents.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/406728_312836828758152_250632248311944_951703_1874225902_n.jpg)

(The Notebook pic: http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTk3OTM5Njg5M15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwMzA0ODI3._V1_SX640_SY720_.jpg)

I Married Mr. Miyagi

This year for Christmas, JC got a Chia pet. Technically, it’s a “Chia Gnome,” but I like to call it a Chia Hobbit. Unlike Eugene the Elf, Chia Hobbit is not creepy and does not freak me out. He’s a happy Hobbit who sits pleasantly in our kitchen, spreading luck and joy.

My husband is especially fond of Chia Hobbit. In fact, he takes great care of the cute little bugger. Every day he makes sure Chia Hobbit is sufficiently hydrated (he has a hole in his hat so you can fill his fat jolly body with water), and even tends to Chia Hobbit’s growing beard with an eyedropper. Whenever he walks by Chia Hobbit, he checks the hole in the little guy’s head and makes sure he’s full, then lovingly squirts water on his beard.

The result? The best Chia beard ever. Behold the growth …

A beard any Man, or Dwarf, would be proud of…

Well, there you go– a Chia Hobbit’s Journey, There and Back Again. Admittedly, Chia Hobbit is getting a bit scroungy looking. He’s starting to look like a Hobbit hiding behind a bush. The box says that after two weeks, you should give up and reseed, and it’s been about two weeks now. We just don’t have the heart to destroy his lovely growth.

Watching Joe with the Chia Hobbit reminded me of Karate Kid‘s Mr. Miyagi. Next time I see him caring for the Chia Hobbit I’m going to quote the movie to him: “Close eye. Trust. Concentrate. Think only ~~tree~~ Chia Hobbit. Make a perfect picture down to last ~~pine needle~~ Chia seed. Wipe mind clean, everything but ~~tree~~ Chia Hobbit. Nothing else in whole world, only ~~tree~~ Chia Hobbit. You got it?”

Mr. Miyagi and Daniel-san with the Bonsai tree.

That’s it. It’s always exciting over here at WOAW, right? Have any of you experienced the fun of a Chia pet? If not, I suggest you pick one up and enjoy!

Have a nice night.

Academy Awards Movie Madness- Captain Phillips

“Argh! Ahoy there me hearties!” – Captain Feathersword, The Wiggles. Not to be confused with Captain Phillips, starring Tom Hanks, an Academy Awards Best Picture nominee.

Captain Phillips takes us back to 2009 and the Somali pirate hijacking of the Maersk Alabama, a United States cargo ship off the coast of Africa. My three word review: Exciting. Thoughtful. Well-played. (Does a hyphenated word count as one word?)

In my view, Captain Phillips had a few things going for it before the movie even began. First, it’s available to rent On Demand, which meant I could enjoy the film from the comfort of my couch. Second, I already knew the story because I’d watched a documentary on the Navy SEALs’ involvement in the Somali hijacking with my son, a SEALs enthusiast. Third, TOM HANKS.

Tom Hanks is one of my favorites. A glance through his IMDb credits shows a whirlwind of awesome roles and movies. Forrest Gump sits securely on my personal Top Ten Movies of All Time list, and he’s WOODY from the Toy Story franchise. (Which, since I need to include my irrelevantly relevant factoid, started in 1995. Yes, Toy Story is almost twenty years old!). Woody’s been a big draw in my house for the past ten years. “Reach for the Stars!”

I have to go off on another slight tangent– can we talk Bosom Buddies for a second? Hanks played Kip/Buffy Wilson, a man who dressed as a woman in order to secure housing in a female-only residence hall. I have to, HAVE TO include a pic here. Feast your eyes:

Kip dressed as Buffy (Tom Hanks), and Henry dressed as Hilde (Peter Scolari)

Genius. You know what? I’m going to stop right there because Bosom Buddies was amazing and deserves its own post.

Back to Captain Phillips. This is a bit of a spoiler for those of you unfamiliar with the incident. It doesn’t matter if you know what happens though, because the movie is so good you’ll feel the intensity regardless.

Somali actor Barkhad Abdi plays Muse, the leader of the four pirates who captured the Maersk. His character uttered that now famous line, “I’m the Captain now,” to Captain Phillips, letting the viewer know that the shit just officially hit the fan. He’s been nominated for Best Supporting Actor, and yeah, he could get it. He was that good. Check out this pic:

Captain Phillips tries to keep his cool the best he can, and is able to hide his crew and give them little tips via intercom and radio to keep them safe. He manages to get himself off the ship with the four pirates, into a small lifeboat, which the pirates attempt to navigate towards the coastline. Obstacles ensue, including the American military. Eventually, the military tricks Muse off the lifeboat (he’s now in federal prison), and Navy SEAL snipers take out the other three pirates, in a perfectly timed, perfectly executed operation.

I vaguely remember this event from the news back in 2009, but seeing the movie made me aware of so much more. What struck me most is the desperation of the Somalis who take on these hijackings. The film showed a Somali village and the villagers fighting to be chosen to carry out the crimes. It made me think that these aren’t all bad guys, but desperate guys who do really bad things. I felt sort of relieved that Muse is in prison, not dead by a sniper’s bullet. I wonder if he feels the same.

Also, I couldn’t believe that four Somalis in a small boat could take over a giant American cargo ship. Seeing the physical size of the Maersk compared to the little boats that sped towards it was mind-blowing. Captain Phillips knew that once the pirates hooked their ladder onto the side, they’d get control of the ship. Is it really that easy? Hopefully new measures are in place to ward off these attacks.

Finally, I admired Captain Phillips for keeping his crew safe and sacrificing himself to get the pirates off the ship. Hanks does an awesome job portraying Captain Phillips not as a consummate hero making all the right calls with confidence, conceit, and a puffed out chest, but rather as a real person: a dude with a wife and kids who’s working a job he seems to enjoy, a by-the-book kind of guy with a healthy fear of death, thrown into this horrible situation. Hanks portrays this regular-guy, imperfect hero most amazingly in the last scenes of the movie, when Captain Phillips is saved and totally freaked out during a medical examination.

Captain Phillips is a great movie if you are in the mood for action, intensity, and Tom Hanks. It’s well-worth the $4.95 rental On Demand.

Only a few weeks to go until the Oscars! I need to step up my game. Thanks for reading and have a nice weekend!

[Photo: http://img2-3.timeinc.net/ew/i/2013/10/09/Captain-Phillips.jpg (Captain Phillips); http://img2-3.timeinc.net/ew/dynamic/imgs/071218/hanks/buddies_l.jpg (Bosom Buddies); http://www.tasteofcinema.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/barkhad-abdi-captain-phillips.jpg (Abdi)]

Academy Awards Movie Madness- Nebraska

As always, we open with an irrelevantly relevant comment . . . Yesterday was Lincoln’s birthday and a day off for me. Yay! Lincoln’s birthday is one of the better holidays since everyone else in the country is at school or work. I used my “free day” to go to the movies to see Nebraska, an Academy Awards Best Picture Nominee.

As I watched the movie on Lincoln’s birthday, guess what I realized? In Nebraska, the father and son team of Woody (Bruce Dern) and David (Will Forte) were traveling from Billings, Montana to LINCOLN, Nebraska, people! Lincoln! On Lincoln’s birthday!

Not only that, but I have a friend who is “mentally married” to Will Forte (with all definitions of “mental” applying– no worries though– I’ve been mentally married to Derek Jeter since 1995 and I’m perfectly normal) . My friend flew to the West Coast yesterday and was probably right over the State of Nebraska as I watched her “husband” on the big screen in Nebraska. It was weird. When I told her, she mentioned that Will also played a part in The Lego Movie. Guess which character? ABE LINCOLN.

I know. It’s almost as crazy as my Dallas Buyers Club/”Rock me Amadeus” moment.

So with all these Lincoln and Nebraska references, I can now tell you about the movie. My three-word review: Depressing. Real. Meh.

Woody (Bruce Dern) and David (Will Forte) in Nebraska

Nebraska is about David driving Woody, his alcoholic father, to Lincoln, Nebraska because Woody thinks he won a million dollars in a sweepstakes. They stop at Woody’s hometown on the way, and David learns stuff about Woody.

The AMC, my preferred theater of choice, offered an early showing of Philomena, which I have less-than-zero desire to see, so I opted to go to the Crap Theater to catch an early showing of Nebraska, which I had just about zero desire to see. I sucked it up since I did want to watch my friend’s mental husband’s performance, as well as fulfill my short-term goal of seeing all the Best Picture nominees prior to the Academy Awards.

So at Crap Theater, I planned on being totally bored as I sipped my ginormous Diet Coke (in a Divergent movie Collector’s Cup) and sat with the four senior citizens who also showed up (two of them sat three seats from me despite the entire theater being empty, and I’d witnessed one of the others arguing with Crap Theater staff about the lack of a senior discount). But what the heck– I was at the movies to see one of the Best Picture nominees, and hey, at least it wasn’t Philomena. Carpe Diem, folks.

Did you know Nebraska is filmed in black and white? Well, I didn’t. Since I was at Crap Theater, I thought the lack of color was perhaps a technical problem and wondered when the seniors would order me to the lobby to ask why the color wasn’t working correctly (they had sent me once prior to the movie starting to hunt down the sole employee and ask why the screen was blank– Crap Theater doesn’t light up the screen until exactly the time on the ticket). As to the black and white, none of the seniors seemed concerned (maybe they were more attuned to black and white, heh heh). I thought that maybe the movie would turn to color at some point, for example, when they got to Nebraska. Nope. Whole thing. Black and white.

Which was fine. I don’t think it did anything for me except to distract me. Maybe the black and white symbolized the bleakness of the characters’ lives in the heartland? Maybe the lack of color was an attempt to make it feel more artsy? Or to make it stand out from other films? I dunno. Personally, I think that color is one of the best features of middle America, you know, amber waves of grain and all that. The landscape of the film lost some of its magic in black and white. Blue skies were grey, etc. Maybe that was the point. Okay. Onward.

Through most of the movie I felt depressed and blah. The characters all seemed real (except the mom, Kate, played by June Squibb, who seemed a little over the top to be real), and watching Davey and his boring existence and Woody and his lost existence, and the relatives and other folks in Woody’s hometown was sort of a downer–especially in black and white. There were a few funny lines in there (my favorite from Davey’s cousins who harp on how long it took Davey to drive from Montana), but mostly I just waited for something to happen.

Except for the last five minutes, the movie didn’t touch me the way I like to be touched by a film– especially a Best Picture nominee. I didn’t feel like the characters changed much throughout the story. Maybe I would have felt better if Davey wasn’t so nice in the beginning of the movie, and then the experience of being with his father made him human (like a Rainman-type transformation). But Davey was nice-ish in the beginning of the film, the middle of the film, and the end of the film. Maybe I would have better appreciated the road trip if Davey’s less amenable brother Ross (played by Bob Odenkirk, better known as Saul from Breaking Bad) took the trip with Woody instead of Davey?

Bruce Dern gave a stellar performance. He’s up for Best Actor and is deserving of the Oscar, which is the same thing I said about Matthew McConaughey in Dallas Buyers Club. That’s a tough category this year. In total, Nebraska is up for six Academy Awards, including Best Director (Alexander Payne) and Best Supporting Actress (June Squibb).

I get it, I guess, with this movie. Maybe I don’t. Either way, I have zero desire to see it again.

As always, thanks for reading. Have a nice day and happy movie-going!

(Photo: http://assets-s3.rollingstone.com/assets/images/story/will-forte-shifts-gears-with-nebraska-20131122/1000×600/nebraska-600-1385135077.jpg)

Academy Awards Movie Madness- Dallas Buyers Club

It’s that time of year again– awards season! Each year I try to see each of the Academy Awards Best Picture Nominees. Last year I managed to see six out of nine of the nominees and blogged about them. Feel free to check out last year’s posts if you are procrastinating or bored. They are in my archives. This year, the nine films nominated are: Dallas Buyers Club, American Hustle, The Wolf of Wall Street, Philomena, Captain Phillips, Gravity, Her, Nebraska, and 12 Years a Slave. I have about a month to see them. I picked Dallas Buyers Club to watch first, since I was going solo and DBC was one of the few films nominated which did not interest my husband.

Before I focus, bear with me a second . . . My son M. loves trains. He’s particularly obsessed with a series of train videos called “I Love Toy Trains.” I kind of love the videos too, I must admit. Each video starts with an adorable kid named “Jeff” (who is probably 30 by now) saying: “As always, we open with a song.” I wish Jeff could narrate the beginning of each of my posts saying: “As always, we open with something irrelevantly relevant.”

That being the first, here is this post’s second irrelevantly relevant factoid: On the way to the movie theater, I’m listening to the radio in the minivan and Falco’s Rock Me Amadeus comes on. I know what you are thinking. Something along the lines of Oh my God I haven’t heard that song in DECADES. Or That’s SUCH a GREAT TUNE. Am I right? Well, maybe not. But that’s what I was thinking.

For those of you who aren’t familiar, Rock Me Amadeus exemplifies 80’s music, in my mind at least. Here are the scintillating lyrics: “Amadeus Amadeus. A-ma-de-us. Amadeus Amadeus. A-ma-de-us. Amadeus Amadeus. A-ma-de-us Amadeus. Uh uh uh rock me Amadeus.” Pure genius. I know. Anyhow, during the radio version that I heard on the way to the theater (apparently there are many versions), the singer (presumably “Falco”) narrates a short biography of Amadeus Mozart’s life, ending with a line similar to this: “And in 1985, Austrian rock group Falco records Rock Me Amadeus.” Since I’m driving I can’t immediately download on iTunes, so I rock out thankful that I lived through the 80’s and mustering memories from 1985 (I started high school in 1985).

Well, lo and behold, I get to the theater to see Dallas Buyers Club and what’s the first shot in the film? A newspaper from . . . wait for it . . . NINETEEN EIGHTY FIVE. Kid you not! Is that a sign or what? I immediately opened iTunes and downloaded Falco to please the Universe.

Thanks for playing along– now to the movie.

DBC follows the path of Ron Woodroof (Matthew McConaughey), a sort of prick-ish rodeo dude in Texas who contracts HIV and AIDS in 1985, when the disease is still new to America and in particular, heterosexuals. After illegally obtaining AZT, the drug being tested at the time, Ron learns that there are other options to treatment, like vitamins and proteins and stuff, which he obtains from Mexico since they weren’t FDA approved. He starts the Dallas Buyers Club, charging AIDS patients $400 per month to obtain the unapproved drugs. It’s made apparent in the movie that these “Buyers Clubs” were popping up around the country. Ron, previously a homophobe, also becomes friends with Rayon (Jared Leto), a transgender woman during the film and develops a platonic relationship with a doctor (Jennifer Garner).

My three word review: McConaughey. Is. AMAZING.

Other than that . . . Meh.

In my opinion, Dallas Buyers Club (Hey, punctuation people! Shouldn’t there be an apostrophe after “Buyers?” Like “Dallas Buyers’ Club”? Maybe not. Just a thought . . .) portrayed the emergence of the AIDS epidemic in a powerful but understated manner, expressing the panic and fear of both those who contracted the disease and the general public unfamiliar with the disease. I appreciate the 80’s feel of the movie, which reminded me of the portrayal of the 70’s in Argo. Watching DBC, I felt I was transported back to 1985 (although Falco was not playing in the Texas bars).

I just thought it was long. And kind of boring. I’m sorry.

But Matthew McConaughey was super. Seriously. I actually couldn’t believe that I was watching Matt. Matt, who I loved in The Wedding Planner with J.Lo and thought it was a stretch for him to play a doctor. Matt, who shook his admirable 40-year old buns of steel in Magic Mike. Would you ever believe that he could play a dying man and be nominated for an Oscar for it? He’s barely recognizable, especially if the last movie you saw him in was Magic Mike. He looks emaciated. Drawn. Weak. He looks like an AIDS patient in the 80’s. McConaughey won the Golden Globe for Best Actor. I wouldn’t be surprised if he took the Oscar too.

Jared Leto, up for Best Supporting Actor, amazed me too. Physically, he looked and sounded like a woman. His performance really turned me around, especially when he spent a couple of minutes dressed as a man and I thought he looked strange. He won the Globe in the supporting category.

I suggest that you see Dallas Buyers Club if you appreciate good acting or study the craft, or have a particular interest in the history surrounding AIDS. It’s well worth your time and money. The performances are outstanding and the accolades and nominations are well-deserved. If you’re not really into that, you should probably skip it. You aren’t going to leave the theater happy or excited or in the midst of an adrenaline rush, that’s for sure.

Have a nice night!

If you write it . . .

One of my all-time favorite movies is Field of Dreams (1989; Academy Awards Best Picture Nominee 1990). Baseball, Iowa, James Earl Jones, Shoeless Joe, dreams, hopes, tears . . . sigh. I first watched Field of Dreams in a lecture hall my freshman year of college on dollar movie night. I remember hiding my face as I left the “theater,” embarrassed and red and puffy and emotionally drained. To this day, twenty-three years later, I can’t watch the movie and not cry at the ending. It’s physically impossible. In fact, Joe and I take a bus trip down to Baltimore every September to see the Yankees play the Orioles, and the man who runs the bus trip always plays a baseball DVD for the two-hour or so ride down. My husband, Joe, cringes when Bus Trip Man pops in Field of Dreams because he knows I’ll be a mess. Joe sees the opening and rolls his eyes and plugs himself into his iPod. He can’t understand how I can cry at the ending of a movie I’ve seen a billion times.

[Just as an aside, I deleted from this space an entire paragraph on Titanic because it really has nothing to do with my point of this post, which I do plan on getting to shortly. I can’t talk about sap or movies (two of my favorite things) without landing on Titanic. But I’ll save that for another post and try to get to my point. My blogging chops are out of practice, I guess. Focus, Jess. Focus!]

“If you build it, he will come.” In the movie Ray (Kevin Costner), somewhat recklessly risks his family’s farm and livelihood by listening to the voices in his head urging him to transform his corn field into a baseball field. “Ease his pain.” “Go the distance.” “People will come.” Ray’s brother-in-law, the angry voice of reason, urges him to get a grip and sell the farm or the family will be bankrupt. Ray doesn’t listen. He trusts the voices in his head. He doesn’t have to sell the farm because “people will come.”

So what would happen if Ray hadn’t listened to the voices? If he caved to the fear and planted crops instead of a baseball diamond, or sold the farm? Not only would it make for a crap-ass movie, but in the fantasy world of Field of Dreams the people wouldn’t come and Shoeless Joe Jackson and the other “Black Sox” would be up in heaven, instead of in Iowa entertaining the masses.

What made me think of this movie, and its famous line: “If you build it, he will come.” Welllll, I was looking for writing inspiration and like a magnet my hand found Julia Cameron and The Right to Write, one of my go-to inspirational writing books. In the chapter titled “Making It,” Ms. Cameron writes of how commitment triggers positive opportunities. “First we must commit,” she says, “then the universe follows the direction pointed by our commitment.” Synchronicity. She goes on:

We commit, then the Universe commits. We are the cause, the Universe delivers the effect. We act internally and the Universe acts externally.

***

I believe that if one of us cares enough to write something, someone else will care enough to read it. We are all in this together, I believe, and our writing and reading one another is a powerful comfort to us all.

The universe is not, to my eye, a cruel and capricious place. I believe that our desire to write is a deep-seated human drive to communicate and that it is answered by an equally powerful human drive to be communicated to. In other words, for ever writer there is a reader– or many readers.

Thus, if you write it, he/she/they will come. What do you think? Do you think that for every writer there is a reader? Do you believe that the universe “follows the direction pointed by our commitment?”

I sort of do. I believe that effort and commitment are enough to guarantee success. Of course, my definition of success may be different than yours. In my mind, the fact that you are reading this blog post that I wrote is “success.” I put it out there, you are reading it, and something that I’m saying hopefully matters to you. I love the idea that for every writer, there’s a reader.

Ray knew his plan to ditch the corn field for a baseball diamond was nuts. He knew it was impractical and didn’t make sense, but he followed his instincts and his dream and with the support of his wife, he did it anyway . . . oh my god, my eyes are tearing. . . I better wrap this up . . . Ray committed and the Universe provided . . . and then his dad . . . sniff sniff . . . I can’t . . .

While I grab a tissue, I’m curious. What do you think of JC’s words? If you believe that the Universe will provide you a reader, does the effort and time and vulnerability necessary to write become any less scary?

If you write it, they will come. Yes? No? Feel free to discuss. Or not. Just throwing it out there.

I leave you with a Field of Dreams quote, but first, in case you were wondering, Driving Miss Daisy won the Best Picture Academy Award the year FOD was nominated. Also, according to Wikipedia, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon were spectators at the Red Sox game in the film. How did I miss that? I guess I’ll have to watch again! (Joe will be thrilled, haha). Onto the quote:

Terence Mann (James Earl Jones): Ray, people will come Ray. They’ll come to Iowa for reasons they can’t even fathom. They’ll turn up your driveway not knowing for sure why they’re doing it. They’ll arrive at your door as innocent as children, longing for the past. Of course, we won’t mind if you look around, you’ll say. It’s only $20 per person. They’ll pass over the money without even thinking about it: for it is money they have and peace they lack. And they’ll walk out to the bleachers; sit in shirtsleeves on a perfect afternoon. They’ll find they have reserved seats somewhere along one of the baselines, where they sat when they were children and cheered their heroes. And they’ll watch the game and it’ll be as if they dipped themselves in magic waters. The memories will be so thick they’ll have to brush them away from their faces. People will come Ray. The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it’s a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again. Oh… people will come Ray. People will most definitely come.

(Quote: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097351/quotes)

Weekend Chatter

Happy Sunday Everyone!

I type this post while watching the second quarter of the Cowboys-Giants game (DVR’ing Breaking Bad– decisions, decisions). I love watching a good football game, especially when it’s not a Jets game. My poor husband, a lifelong Jets fan, suffers season after season watching the Jets. Sometimes there’s cursing and yelling involved. Even though the Jets won today, we know better than to get our hopes up. Anyway, football is so much more fun when your team isn’t playing.

Ouch! Romo just went down and is being helped off the field, meanwhile, the camera shows the Cowboys owner, Jerry Jones, sitting next to New Jersey’s very own Chris Christie. New Jersey is everywhere, people! But I digress . . .

This weekend, a few fun things happened (besides our first NFL Sunday and a Jets win). Fun Thing Number One is that yesterday an idea I submitted to The Daily Post for a Daily Prompt was used! The prompt was to name a luxury you can’t live without. You can see the post here. I was thinking about my cleaning lady when I came up with the idea. I also thought about Spaceballs when Princess Vespa whips out her hair dryer and says, “It’s my Industrial Strength Hair Dryer, and I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT IT!” In response to the Prompt people wrote lovely thoughts. Some luxuries mentioned were coffee, the internet, families, and look at these desserts from Barcelona that my Blog Sister, the Public Transit User, featured. Wowzers.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get a chance to post on the prompt because Fun Thing Number Two happened . . . I went to a PAR-TAY– an outdoor all-out bash at a barn on a country club. The Birthday Barn Party featured country music (ugh), smoked meats, and a mechanical bull. I borrowed boots and a hat from my mom, was schooled in the rules of bull riding by my father (something about having to hang on for 8 seconds), and kissed the kids and husband goodbye. The best part of party night was that my husband insisted I couldn’t drive my disgusting, beat up minivan to a country club to be valet parked, so I drove our “fancy” car– a Hyundai Sonata. Okay, I can hear your giggles. But it IS a top of the line Sonata, so there! Here are some pics:

My foot driving the “fancy car” in a cowboy boot!

My stuff for the party- a cowboy hat, a gift bag containing a bottle of champagne, my purse (mostly to carry my lipstick), and flats for when my boots started to annoy me.

Driving the Hyundai! I plugged in my phone and shuffled and look what came on!? Another poser country girl! (Just kidding, Taylor. I love you.)

I have to admit that I didn’t ride the bull and left before the cake, but seeing my friend celebrate her birthday and tripping down memory lane made for a lovely night.

This morning I partook in Fun Thing Number Three. Yoga. But during this yoga class, Stretchy Woman (my beloved teacher) decided we would do yoga up against the wall. “Wall Yoga,” she called it. Practicing in this way is quite enlightening in that you feel your alignment and different angles of your body when certain parts of it are pressed against the flat wall, and you get to do fun things like hold yourself upside down and walk your legs up the wall and really feel your shoulders and arms working to hold you up. It was interesting to try.

Then during the afternoon I accomplished a Not-So-Fun-Thing. The Great Toy Purge Project of 2013. I braved the basement mess of ten years of toys and I sorted and separated and packed and bagged old toys. The project took hours and resulted in five large black garbage bags, a ton of things to donate, and peace of mind. However, it’s still a mess down there. I have a couple of random piles that I’m not sure how to deal with. I took some pics for you though (the fun never ends here at WOAW!):

Garbage bags. Getting rid of the train table. Thank God for Hefty!

Packed like items into gallon ziplock bags to donate.

And still have to figure out the stuffed animals . . .

That’s what I did this weekend, and here it is late Sunday night and tomorrow is another Monday. I’m hoping tomorrow will be my Magnificent Made-Up Men of Monday inaugural post (featuring Lloyd Dobler, as promised). I’ll try.

Have a nice night!

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