Although I promised that today I would do the Daily Post Weekly Writing Challenge, I find myself distracted by the Daily Prompt. It reads, in relevant part:
Give your newer sisters and brothers-in-WordPress one piece of advice based on your experiences blogging.
I couldn’t resist sharing my one piece of advice. Are you ready? Here it is: Use the word “porn” in one of your post titles. One of my earlier posts, Mommy Porn, gets at least a hit a day from random internet searches. I’m not kidding!
According to my stats, Mommy Porn has generated 256 views, coming in fourth place overall for most views after my Home Page/Archives, my Freshly Pressed post, and my About page.
The most popular search term that ends up on my G-rated Mommy Porn post is, not surprisingly, “mommy porn,” with nineteen visitors to WOAW. Mix up the terminology a bit to include searches such as “mommyporn,” “mom porn,” “le mommy porn” and even “mom brazilian porn,” (to name a few) and that number doubles. My post featuring Sir Topham Hatt is probably not exactly what these internet users had in mind when they put in their search terms!
There also appears to be a global interest in the Caillou/porn combo. For example, variations of searches combining the terms “Caillou” and “porn,” such as “cartoon porn caillou mom” and “caillou cartoone porno foto,” brought me about fifteen to twenty new friends. Who knew that Caillou was connected to the world of porn? Not me! Apparently, Caillou’s not the only one having fun in that family!
Other PBS Kids-related searches landing on my Mommy Porn post were “thomas the tank engine porn,” “yo gabba gabba porno flix,” and “pbs kids arthur porn,” to name a handful. One person didn’t care which show he/she found porn for, searching the more general term “pbs kids porntoons.” “Porntoons?” Is this a thing?
The most interesting of the search terms in my opinion is “convertible porn movies list.” Huh!?! There are enough porn movies featuring convertibles to make a list? Or am I too naive to know that “convertibles” is code for some sex thing featured in porn movies? Either way, Cheers to the Convertible Porn Lover! Glad to have you around, and I hope you found your list. In the meantime, did you enjoy my discussion about The Man in the Yellow Hat’s ride through the car wash with his convertible top down? HA!
What does this mean? Well, I don’t necessarily think it means the end of civilization or the demise of humanity. My guess is that most of the cartoon porn searches aren’t nefarious in nature. I’m thinking maybe bored or crazy moms, or office jokesters. Wine-drunk Bunco club ladies, or nutty teenagers. The mommy porn? Maybe more concerning. Who knows for sure? I don’t. And I’m not here to judge.
Perhaps I can restore your faith in humanity by mentioning that there are also many legit searches that resulted in a visit to the Mommy Porn post. For example, I picture the person who searched “dj lance stereo cake,” as a sweet mom looking to make her preschooler’s birthday party special with a custom cake modeled on his favorite show. Or the curious chap who searched “dj lance rock salary,” who is probably steaming mad that he didn’t think to jump around in an orange jumpsuit and become an overnight success in the world of children’s television. Regardless, whether legitimately searched or not, 256 views seems like a successful post, if you ask me.
So, in conclusion, I have two statements:
(1) WELCOME PORN SEARCHERS! I hope you weren’t too disappointed when you ended up on my blog instead of your porn site. Thanks for sticking around!
And . . .
(2) NEW BLOGGERS! Use the word “porn” in a post title and see what happens! Maybe you’ll gain some new viewers too.
Have a nice night. I will try for the Weekly Writing Challenge tomorrow. Thanks for indulging my distraction to the Daily Prompt!
Waiting on a Word 
Hmmmm. I never thought of that. Great Idea. I’ll have to give it some serious thought. Thanks for the tip.
LikeLike
I am here to serve. Glad you enjoyed.
LikeLike
Poor Caillou.
LikeLike
Right?
LikeLike
oh my goodness… I so have to try that!! I can’t wait to write a porn blog!!! Thanks for the advice!
LikeLike
No problem!
LikeLike
Well Good Heavens! I am a bit speechless. Though my next post will be titled, “Porn, Porn and More Porn” (even though the post will be about gardening).
LikeLike
That would be so great! Imagine looking for porn and ending up learning about soil and fertilizer? No? You can’t imagine? I guess not. Haha.
LikeLike
LOL, Right
LikeLike
If I did such a thing, I think I’d be giggling too much to type. As it is, my top search terms are about fruit (understandable) and dentistry (???) … don’t count on much traffic from that.
LikeLike
Dentistry? Hmm. Oranges, yes. Dentistry, interesting. Maybe you can write a post about dentist porn and see what happens.
LikeLike
I was planning on doing an Asperger’s and sexuality post at some point. Lots of porn potential there.
LikeLike
Definitely. Try to work “porn” into the title and you’ll get tons of views!
LikeLike
Ha ha, I’ve experienced similar things with virgin and naked. My post ‘Free virgin excitement’ is very popular amongst google searches!!
LikeLike
See! I guess it’s a trend. Haha. Free Virgin Excitement definitely will get more than a few hits ! 🙂
LikeLike
Love it. I’m totally going to do this, lol.
LikeLike
Let me know how it works out! I have to say, even this post is getting hits just by mentioning porn in the title.
LikeLike
You don’t even need to use “porn” to generate lots of hits – all it takes is a sloppy researcher.
I had written a pseudo-scientific article about Ctesibius, an ancient Greek inventor known primarily for his studies in hydraulics, which are still in use today, as well as his improvements on the clepsydra (water clock). At first, the post (http://justjigglethehandle.wordpress.com/2012/12/17/ctesibius/) generated a few hits, and then about a month after posting, I started getting several a day (when I last checked about two months ago, it was well over the 800 mark). Now, if you Google “Ancient Greek Alarm Clock” or some variant, it comes up on the first page (on my computer it’s #1)! At first, I thought “Ancient Greek Alarm Clock” was some kind of weird porn thing, which prompted this post (http://justjigglethehandle.wordpress.com/2013/02/04/found-under-g-in-the-dictionary/). However, being curious, I started digging, and eventually came up with this (http://mythologicaladventure.wikispaces.com/PERIOD+2+Life%2C+Work+and+Reputations+of+++Poets%2C+Philosophers%2C+Historians%2C+Scientists%2C+Mathematicians%2C+Artists). Set your Finder either to “justjigglethehandle” or to “Ancient Greek Ideas about Technology: By Bella Nedich.” It seems I’m an accredited Source!
(Comment fades out with Mad, Evil, Insane giggling … )
LikeLike
On the list of things I hoped to never have to know — that there are people out there 1) who create porn out of pbs shows, and 2) that enjoy watching said shows. Ick.
LikeLike
Sorry for giving you that info! Yes, ick!
LikeLike
WOW…All I will say
LikeLike
I couldn’t agree more, quoting some of Marianne Faithful’s lyrics gained me some very impressive weekly figures.
I love the idea of being a momentary distraction to a legion of one-handed browsers…
LikeLike
In the ranking of 1537 comments, thus moves to the top. I can see a visitor to your site now, “Oh, this’ll be good … Legos?”
LikeLike
You are absolutely correct! My post “Children of the Porn” is my most widely read. I am considering using the word in everything that I write from now on!…including the title of my book!
LikeLike
This is hilarious! Some of my personal favourite hits from awkward internet searches:
– when is there nudity in dear america
– contemporary racist valentines day cards
– sexy gay dracula
– blackboard sexy
– hot chocolate brain waves
‘sup, internet?
LikeLike
Thanks for stopping by my blog, Snide Reply, and liking my post on sexual assault of men in the military. I am going to have to read the mommy porn post. Oh, and try writing a post about accidentally seeing your son’s penis. You will be reminded, daily, that there are a lot of really sick people out there.
LikeLike
Incredible post Jess.Its a wild wild world we are living in today people reject the genuine things and chase a phantom.Thank you for liking my my recent post ( 200th. Post.) Greetings and respect.Jalal ( my blog has 1000 followers but only 3% they respond a strange concept,.))))))
LikeLike
Same thing with me! Over 800 followers but only 40 or so reads. Still, stats are just stats! As long as you enjoy, keep going!
LikeLike
hahahaha, this is great advice and i look forward to reading more ) thanks for reading and following mine as well ) beth
LikeLike
Hi Jess, thanks for visiting my site and the ‘like’ on my last post. Out of curiosity I thought I would look at this post and found it most interesting! What you said must be true because I linked a post on ‘teen porn’ on my blog site and it has been POPULAR, to say the least!
My thinking about followers is that I don’t seek them out or care to keep track of them. I only want to know that what I’m posting is being read. So I keep a tally of viewers in my side bar. Drgold, my other half has only an insignificant number of followers, but many viewers visiting his site http://drgoldsite.wordpress.com, more than me and I have submitted 4x’s as many posts to my site. Well, maybe I’m exaggerating!
~Liz
LikeLike
i’m pretty sure i tried that before – ah yes, ‘porn again’ and can’t remember it receiving as many hits as i deviously was hoping it would – let me check: hm, maybe not, really thought i had, oh well good advice then… what is disturbing on my blog – my nickname is FISH which stands for Faithful In Serving Him and i have a series of Taboo Topics which are topics people [especially the church as that is often my audience] rarely writes about including such things as infertility, losing a child, singleness [HUGE hits – that seems to be popular and the one i did on Pornography/Masturbation which i guess might also welcome a few disappointed people] but i can not tell you the number of days [it is almost at least one a day plus variations] that people arrive at my site having typed ‘Masturbation Fish’ or ‘Masturbation with Fish’ into Uncle Google… that is really disturbing – seeing what search phrases got people to you is often funny [today has ‘tumblr oldmaid pussy videos’ ‘strange fish’ and ‘sack race humour’ for starters] yup and looks like at least 29 people have landed at my site typing in the specific phrase ‘fish masturbation’ but then as i said many derivatives… ai, the world we live in – but that section brings more mirth than weirdedoutness… so ja, will have to give that one a try. Titles are so important to getting people to come see what you’re saying…
LikeLike
Titles are important. But maybe people get to our blogs for the wrong reasons but stay for the right reasons !? Thanks for mentioning my post in your post about this phenomenon!
LikeLike
absolute pleasure. and yes i concur. although my post did not generate as much interest as i thought – must be the actual word ‘porn’ – ha ha – have a great day!
LikeLike
Thanks for the advice, though my blog is very naughty anyway.
LikeLike